This Mom’s Argument For Being One & Done Is *Very* Convincing
“Would you start over...?”
From the time my husband and I knew we wanted to get married, we always agreed that we wanted three children. We talked about when we wanted kids, what their names would be — everything was planned out. And then, as soon as I had my second, we knew we were done. I can’t exactly explain the feeling except to say that it somehow felt like everyone was there. But not all families are as sure, at any point in the process, when they’re going to be done.
TikTok creator Gabrielle Swanson (@talkwithgab), however, knows her answer and will sing its praises with her whole chest: one and done is the secret.
She begins her video from the couch, looking cozy as anything. “Listen,” she says quietly. The camera pans around the room, clean with a roaring but welcoming fire, and blissful silence. “My husband and my son are playing upstairs. He brought me tea before, and this is something that happens really regularly. I’m so grateful. But whenever anyone asks ‘Do you want more kids? Do you think you’ll ever have more?’ — we have one 4 year old — I’m just like...” she pans to her beautiful silent room again. “Would you start over? It’s great! They’re up there having a great time, I’m getting me time, and then we trade!”
And, yes, she can already hear your objections that her son might grow up lonely. Her response: a dismissive “F*ck you.”
Swanson turned the comments off on the video (though apparently not before getting some nasty ones), so we don’t know what her followers and other TikTok users thought of this approach, but I think it’s brilliant. Having one child isn’t for everyone (as mentioned: I have two), but anyone who tells you they can’t see the appeal is either lying to you or to themselves. Because, I’m sorry, did we all not see what is possible when the parent child ratio is 2:1?
I never got to experience exactly that bliss — my (very rambunctious) son wasn’t quite three when his sibling was born — but there is a hack for any parent who wants this kind of quiet downtime and more than one kid. Are you ready? Here’s what you do...
You wait.
By the time they hit the middle of grade school and beyond? They are entertaining themselves, enjoying quiet activities, and generally just giving you way more space than you ever thought you’d get back. At first I thought this might be a trick — why were they quiet? Were they quietly doing something super dangerous? But eventually I was able to realize “Oh! They’re just slightly less chaotic now” and I was able to pick up a book and read for an hour or so — in the living room. As a mom of, say, a 2 year old and a 5 year old I never thought that would be possible.
There’s no “right amount” of kids to have. It’s just a matter of what’s right for you. But if you’re one and done, you skip to the Quiet Era a little bit faster and, honestly, that looks pretty appealing...
