A Dad Wants To Know When Parents Get Hobbies & Friends Again

It wasn’t until my son was about 2 years old that I even realized I’d only read one book since he was born. Considering I’m someone who, up until then, read about 35 books a year, this took me by surprise the first time I realized it. How did my hobby disappear without my even noticing? But talk to parents and you’ll probably find a lot of us lost part of ourselves in parenthood. One Reddit user wants to know when we can expect to find it again.

Redditor u/Mundane-Mechanic-547 (we’ll call him M.M.) is a work from home dad “not all that far away from retirement. He has a 13 year old and a 9 year old and asks on the popular Parents subreddit...

Do you have friends? Hobbies? We both effectively lost these things 13 years ago. My spouse has a few friends but I essentially have none. We have no hobbies, and really nothing in common. We don't do dates (maybe once a year). It's been a rough 13 years. And will probably be another rough 13 years (kids have informed me that they have no intention of leaving the house). I'm not sure what else to add.

Certainly this is a sad turn of events for M.M., but I think there are few parents out there who can’t relate. Even if this didn’t happen to us, we can easily understand how it could happen, generally speaking.

Nevertheless, the most upvoted comment in the replies was a bit of tough love.

“I don’t think at this point you can really blame your kids,” it reads. “My kids are significantly younger than yours and while I wouldn’t say I’m swimming in friends (never have) I definitely have hobbies and a life outside the kids.”

“You regain your life starting tomorrow,” encourages another. “Prioritize your marriage. The whole family is derived from it and your kids will be happier if you put your marriage in the center where it belongs.”

“Hang in there,” offers a third. “I have 9 year old twins and a 5 year old with no village. I think we have to be very intentional and make the plans and just do it. No waiting. Still haven’t regained myself back but trying to. You are not alone.”

Fortunately the feedback was helpful for M.M.

“I am going to start doing more community things,” he writes in an edit to his post. “Took a while to get to this point. If you are/were like me, anti-depressents can be a good short term solution, as is talk-therapy. The main thing is I am starting to realize it's up to me to change the equation, and I will have to do the work.”

It is work to claw your life back from parenthood sometimes. But fortunately, after a while, you’ll probably find you’ve done just that.