A Husband Is Considering Divorce After Finding His Wife’s “Go Bag”

Just being a woman in this world is dangerous. We never know when we will need to get out of a situation quickly, and sadly, far too often, the people who want to harm us are people who claim to love us. There are millions of women trapped in abusive relationships and marriages around the country, and many simply don’t know how to leave safely.

One of the ways all women can help protect themselves — in a wide variety of dangerous situations, from domestic violence to natural disasters — is having a “go bag” on hand in case of emergencies. No matter how safe you think you are.

Unfortunately for one woman, her husband found her go bag and was offended that she thought she needed it — and now he’s thinking of divorce. He headed to Reddit’s “Am I The A**Hole?” forum to see if he made a mistake.

Here’s what he had to say.

“My wife and I have been together for 5 years now, we have a 2 years old and we were planning to expand our family,” he began. “I decided to tidy up my wife’s closet because there was a mold problem in garage and I decided to inspect the whole house. There I found a gym bag with clothes, some dry fruits, some tampons and like $1000. I asked my wife about it and her face suddenly lost its color.”

His wife was a little defensive about the bag, and hesitant to tell him that part of the reason she had it was in case of spousal abuse.

“At first she told me that it was just an emergency bag in case we are hit by earthquake or something,” he continued. “I asked her why did she hid it from me then?? After a bit of back and forth, she sheepishly confessed that its a go bag. Basically women who need to flee their abusers are told to keep a go bag with all essential supplies like money and clothes and stuff. I asked her why exactly does she ever feel the need to do this. I have never even talked to her in loud voice, we barely have arguments, why does she thinks that I am gonna become an abuser?”

The wife tried to explain that’s it’s a tool all women to have, but the husband got very not-all-men about it.

“She said she is not saying I am an abuser, she just wanted to do it for the peace of her mind. I don’t buy her excuse, I don’t think she trust me. Otherwise she wouldn’t have to go so far. I took some days to mull it over and I have come to conclusion that I cant be with a woman who can’t trust me and who see me as a abuser.”

He just can’t get over the fact that this is the reality women deal with every day — and it’s hard to trust men, especially when so many women get trapped in terrible relationships.

“I asked her for separation and told her that I can’t be with a woman who does not trust me,” he concluded. “I believe that trust is foundation of relationship and if she doesnt trust me then its better we part ways. Now she is making excuses that she read too many ‘mommy forums’ and let herself influenced by them. She showed me the forums where they discuss ‘go bags’ and how every women should have one. I get the logic but I can’t stay with a woman who does not trust me to know that she never needed to do such a thing.”

He seems to be taking the go bag very personally. It almost sounds like she should have a go bag after all.

“I agreed to take more time to think about it but I think divorce will let her find a man she trusts not to be an abuser, because she does not trust me,” he said.

Down in the comments, basically everyone, men and women, took the side of the wife who wanted to feel safe and secure — and who was making a smart decision to care for herself.

“I have been with my partner for 15 years and he has never given me a reason to need a go bag…but you better believe I stash cash money away in a piggy bank just in case I need it,” one woman wrote. “My mom (whose been married 40 years) always told me ‘make sure you always have money stashed somewhere. You never know when you’ll need it.’ Women never ever know what might happen to them, especially if they’re financially vulnerable to their spouse. People change, times get tough, sh*t happens and you need to get out.”

“My partner told me to keep my money separate in case I need to leave,” another shared. “I do have a history of being abused, so he knew that me just having that would allow me to feel safe. Even if I didn’t have a history of abusive partners, he would have said the same thing. He knows it’s a thing, and he wants me to feel safe even if I never need to leave.”

“I learned this lesson the hard way. Had to stay with the guy for years. I’ll never make that mistake again,” another woman said of the importance of having money stashed.

“I didn’t think my ex would become abusive until he was,” another shared.

Many people stressed that everyone should have a go bag, not just women.

“Everyone should have a go-bag. Women, men, kids,” one person wrote. “Everyone needs to have one collection of necessities ready for an emergency. House fire, robbery, domestic abuse, anything can happen at any time. Be prepared.”

The point? A go bag shouldn’t be taken personally. And if someone does take it personally? Well, maybe they are proving the need for a go bag.