Dear Husbands, Boyfriends, & Partners: We Need Your Support With Menopause
“It’s an incredibly difficult and painful journey and we need to be able to support them because they are not getting the support that they need.”
The past 10 years has had its ups and downs in terms of things getting better and things getting... just ever so much worse. But one area where I feel we’ve made enormous strides is talking about periods. Of course we still have a ways to go, but I think any Millennial woman and older can look back at how menstruation was discussed when we were growing up (in whispers, and certainly not publicly) to now and feel good about our progress. But talking about the end of periods aka menopause? Well, lots more work to do there. And one group that really needs to step up? Men. Specifically the male partners of women going through it.
TikTok account @theparentexpress recently highlighted the importance of partner support in a brief but poignant video...
“Menopause is not hot flashes in their mid-40s. It’s an incredibly difficult and painful journey and we need to be able to support them because they are not getting the support that they need. Not from their friends, not from their moms, not from their doctors, who are not trained to support them. We have to recognize and understand what they’re going through and ask them how we can help.”
Indeed, menopause is a time of tremendous hormonal change on par with puberty. And can you imagine going through puberty while attempting to hold down a job, care for a family, and maintain a mature and meaningful relationship? It’s a lot to handle, so it’s no wonder menopause has been linked to increased levels of anxiety and depression to say nothing of the general challenges more common symptoms of menopause — painful intercourse, fatigue, night sweats, insomnia, hair loss, and more.
Guys, we’re closer to you — at least on a peer to peer level — than anyone else in our lives. We need you to understand how hard this is and be there to help when we need you. Honestly, even just the knowledge that someone sees menopause is difficult and is there for us is huge.
Need more proof? Look no further than the 450+ comments in the video, which are, sadly, mostly pretty heartbreaking.
“I finally asked my husband for his understanding and grace and patience,” says one. “I cannot take hormones. It’s just horrible.”
“I’ve gone through it completely alone,” laments another.
“I have zero support,” another reports. “My partner is too worried about himself, his plans and his well being ... I can't handle it anymore. This is why divorce happens: I've been the crutch and I no longer can do it.”
But amid all the cautionary tales, there are also exemplary tales.
“My husband asks ‘Let me know if I can help you’ or ‘Let me know if you don’t know what you need help with,’” another commenter shares. “Him recognizing the mental stall that happens daily is amazing and super helpful.”
“I am so blessed with the hubs I have!” reads another. “He looks up all the weird symptoms, does all the research for me.”
Guys, we know you probably can’t directly relate — you’re not going through this — but we don’t need you to understand completely. We just need your understanding and support.
