We Really Need To Change The Way Everyone Talks About Tearing In Childbirth
Why is it that we talk about injured vaginas differently than any other body part? (Oh right, misogyny.)
When I told friends that my son was born via emergency c-section after more than 18 hours of hard labor, it didn’t take long for one of them to say the thing. Some of you already know what that is based on your own experiences. Others might have guessed. For those of you who haven’t, it was this “classic”: “Well at least you didn’t have to ruin your vagina!” For reasons I don’t quite understand, some people are extremely preoccupied with the state of one’s vagina after birth, and TikTok creator Jordan Simone (@jordxn.simone), like many of us, is absolutely over it.
“Everybody talks about not wanting to rip their hoo ha during childbirth but nobody ever talks about what it’s like when you actually do,” she begins. “So let’s talk about that and then we can unpack some of the misogynistic language surrounding that type of injury.”
Simone points out that worrying about tearing in childbirth is completely valid. It’s an extremely common injury and nobody wants any kind of injury, much less one in such a sensitive area. But, she observes, “not all tears are created equal.”
She points out that tears in childbirth can range from first degree tears, which often heal on their own and don’t require stitches, to fourth degree tears, which reach from vagina to rectum and require surgery.
‘That is severe ... [but] while it is scary and painful, a front to back tear is not common,” she explains.
Simone herself shares that she experienced a second degree tear, which required stitches and took a few weeks to heal. But, she says,
“The temporary discomfort that I felt is, at this point, nothing compared to the almost endless discomfort I feel with having my bits and pieces implied to be disgusting because I tore.”
“It is not misogynistic to talk about the realities of pregnancy and childbirth,” she continues. “It’s actually super feminist to make sure that people are aware of what they’re getting themselves into should they decide to have a baby. Misogyny comes in because... saying that something is disgusting, ruined, [or] never going to be the same, is inherently misogynistic. It is what leads to things like ‘the husband stitch.’”
She also points out that vaginal tearing in childbirth is really the only time you’ll hear injuries described in such repugnant terms. While sports injuries can be just as bloody or life-altering as any vaginal tearing, she notes,
“I never hear about how disgusting or vile it is. I never hear about how ruined their body is and how they’ll just never, ever be the same again even when that is sometimes the case, like with a torn ACL. People are like ‘Oh that’s a really harsh injury. I’m sorry that happened to you.’ ... The only time we bring up language like ‘disgusting,’ ‘ruined,’ ‘vile,’ ‘horrific,’ is when we’re talking about the private parts of women.”
So while it’s completely normal and healthy to talk or worry about injuries one can experience while giving birth — and important to give people the outlet to express those fears and get answers to their questions — the misogyny creeps in when we associate those injuries with a body part, and by extension a person, being “ruined” by the experience.
Just one of the many ways those among us who give birth are subconsciously held to a standard we wouldn’t consciously put on our worst enemy.
