Parents Are Sharing The Worst Ways Their Kids Have Roasted Them & They Are Savage
With children like these, who needs enemies?
In my family’s very tight-knit friend group, everyone has their little foibles and quirks that endear us to one another. K has a deep appreciation and strong opinions on firewood. D has the most intense FOMO of anyone on the planet. And my children are absolutely merciless in their ability to read you to filth. Their father and I may as well take up residence in a burn unit because we are constantly getting roasted. Fortunately, it’s all very entertaining.
And it seems that we’re not the only parents with ruthless jokers: in fact, it was the subject of a post on Reddit’s popular Parenting forum. “How did your child roast you recently?” asked Redditor u/Mindless-Interest110.
“My 3 year-old-son asked me why I'm not very good at drawing,” they begin. “I said ‘Different people are good at different things’ to which he responded ‘Like how you're good at sitting.’ Felt like a double burn.”
One by one, parents piped up with their own harrowing stories of heckling from their small humans. But while their pride might have been wounded, we must confess that it’s all pretty hilarious in a “kids say the darndest things” kind of way. Here were some of our favorites from the comments.
“When my daughter was about 8, she saw my birth year on paper and yelled ‘You were born in the One Thousands?’”
Yes, child. I rode a dinosaur to school, which was a one room schoolhouse in Connecticut, the finest of the thirteen colonies.
Scary Mommy: Not just a website anymore
“I was very sick over the weekend and my husband brought my son to the bedroom to say goodnight after not seeing me all day because I was in bed sick,” explains u/drinkwhatyouthink. Her husband announced
“Look, it’s mommy!”
“That’s not mommy,” replied the 2 year old. “That’s scary.”
“I was showing pics of myself when I was younger to my kid...”
Says u/sageofbeige. “I said ‘See, I wasn't always an ugly old hag.”
Now you might think being self-deprecating off the bat might stave off some of the worst of a child’s mockery. You’d be wrong.
“You coloured your hair and had make up on,” replied the child. “You looked the same, you just hid it better.”
NGL: I’d cry.
Hello darkness, my old friend...
“I was kissing on my six year old and she was wiping them off saying ‘No more kisses!’” recalls u/Gooncookies. “And I said ‘There will always be kisses! When you’re 40 I’ll still be giving you kisses!!’”
The 6 year old’s take?
“You won’t be alive when I’m 40.”
Yikes! (And also very similar to when my son informed me that by the time he had children “probably you’ll be dead.” The fact that he told me this apologetically only made it worse.)
“My five year old recently told me to be grateful for what I have when I asked for a new Dutch oven for my birthday.”
Oh sure, when you want something they’re absorbing all your best parenting. Let’s see if they keep up that attitude the next time they’re in a toy store.
“3 year old daughter said, ‘aww don’t cry’ when I started singing a song the other day.”
“Like, I know I can’t sing but damn sis!” laughs u/logic404notfound.
Don’t worry: you’re not alone. Another comment from u/baconupthatsausage reads,
“I was absentmindedly singing while doing dishes or whatever, and my 3 year old goes, ‘You’re not a singer. You’re just a mom.’”
Why can't kids handle us singing? This needs to be studied.
Say your prayers...
“My 5 year old son was praying before bed,” says u/Mission_Range_5620. “[He] started it off with ‘Dear God, thank you that I’m smarter than my mom and dad, and please help me to get stronger than daddy.’”
Oh, this is how we’re playing it? Remind them how much dumber they are the next time you need them to check for monsters under your bed...
A for effort
“I tied my 6-year-old daughter’s taekwondo belt,” shares u/Booksb00ksbo0kz. “And she asked, very sweetly, ‘Is that the best you can do?’ Damn, kid!”
Sounds like someone just volunteered to do it themselves.
Honestly, as vicious as these burns are, we love a witty (or unintentionally hilarious) child. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get these poor parents some ice...
