If You Resent Parenthood, You’re Not Alone (But One Mindset Shift Can Help)

Parenting is a lot of things, but it’s not easy. Despite what inspirational Instagram accounts might tell you, it’s not always rewarding, either. A lot of the time, it’s just plain hard. And, frankly, it’s easy to start resenting the thing that added a whole lot of stress to your life, as wonderful as it might be.

If you resent parenthood, you’re not alone. But, existing in that negative headspace 24/7 also isn’t pleasant, or helpful. So, how do we shift to a better mindset around parenting? Sam Previte, who often discusses motherhood on her Instagram account, @find.food.freedom, shared her perspective.

“No one tells you, when you become a parent, the sooner you stop resenting being a parent, the more you will like it,” Previte said.

“I only knew my life before kids, before having kids. And you think, ‘Okay, I'm gonna have kids and I'll be the same person, but I'm just gonna have kids, too,’” Previte said.

But, as parents (and especially moms) know, that’s just not the case.

“You literally die and are reborn when you give birth, and your entire life changes,” she said. “Priority changes, the lack of sleep, the exposure to sickness, the non-stop prioritizing other people's needs before yours.”

It’s totally fair to feel a little bit resentful when your whole world, and how you fit into it, changes in a snap. But, it’s also not pleasant to feel that way — so, what do you do? Previte’s solution: radical acceptance.

“I've gotten to this point where I'm just totally accepting that this is my new reality, and I'm not gonna fight it, I'm not gonna resent it. This is life,” she said. “It doesn't mean it's always happy and rainbows and butterflies, but I'm able to recognize that this is a season of life with the littles, and my life isn't always gonna look like this.”

The good news and the bad news of having little ones is it’s not always going to be that way. Yes, someday your child will finally sleep through the night. No, they won’t always need 24/7 attention that makes you feel like you can’t do a thing for yourself.

At the same time, someday they won’t need your help, and you’ll look back on their baby days the same way might wistfully recall your life pre-kids. Basically, we’ll always be mourning the last stage of our life, so might as well embrace the one we’re stepping in to.

“In the beginning, I felt like I was resenting it because I was trying to have my previous life, but that was never gonna happen again,” Previte said.

Previte wasn’t alone in feeling this way — her comments were filled with users sharing similar experiences.

“My daughter is 2.5, and I still have a hard time with these feelings. They’re never directed at her, just my situation in general. It’s a work in progress for me,” one user commented.

“That first year postpartum is not for the weak 😮‍💨” said another. “The girl you were is GONE and you’re like a brand newborn mother taking care of a newborn baby and you’re both just trying to figure it out.”

Commenters also emphasized how important conversations like this are for new parents.

“I was iffy on having kids for so long and you also hear people say how ‘your life is never the same, you’re a new person.’ But you can’t realize what that means until you’re IN it,” one user said. “I plan to be up front with anyone in my life wondering about parenting lol!”

“I think people would resent it less if there was more discussion about how life really changes after having children. So much of the rhetoric is about how magical and amazing it is- which is true, but it’s also exhausting, lonely, and endless work,” said another.

Shout-out to Previte for shining a light on this topic! The more parents out there who share what mom life is really like, the less lonely and confusing it is for others.