A Mom Says She Feels Alone For Thinking Motherhood Was A “Terrible Mistake”
Surprisingly, she was met with much support on Reddit.
A mom on Reddit reached out for support from other moms after admitting a really hard personal truth: she regrets becoming a mom. She posted an honest description of her feelings and life in the /Parenting subreddit, hoping to find some sort of support or advice on how to navigate these hopeless feelings.
“I adore my two kids ages 13 and 10. But ever since my first child was out of my body, I knew I made a terrible mistake by being a mother,” she admitted.
“I find the responsibility relentless, dream crushing, near poverty-inducing, and usually thankless. Every day, even now, I wake up feeling dread over my parenting duty. I hide it pretty well. I never want my kids to see it. We have really fun times together, but even during those, I'm secretly resenting the time I'm not getting to spend on my job, education, marriage, fitness... all the adult things I authentically enjoy.”
On top of her own grief for the life she wishes she had, she can’t help but feel guilt for her kids, wishing they had a mom they “deserve.”
She continued, “I also really get sad thinking how much they deserve a mom who genuinely enjoys being a mom, and how that won't ever be me. I tried therapy for this but out of three providers, all three felt I was just suffering post-partum depression and burn out. Told me to gratitude journal, get a babysitter to help, and sort of sent me on my way. This goes deeper than that. It's not a phase. I can't find much literature on this either.
“Anyone else feel like this? How do you cope with it?”
After over 3,000 upvotes, thousands of Reddit users commented on the regretful mom’s post, giving advice and words of solidarity.
“My mom is like this. She never said it explicitly but it is obvious with how she prioritizes her time. I think if she weren’t pressured to have kids she would have been very happy as a high-power career woman. It’s valid. Could you try to find some common interests that you can spend time doing with your kids so it doesn’t feel so draining? As long as you continue to spend quality time with them and are there for them when they need you, they’ll be fine. You’ll probably totally rock at retirement / empty-nesting like my mom. It’s never too late to live your best life,” one user wrote.
Another said, “I relate to this. I love my kids, and I genuinely LIKE them as people. I like being their mother. But I do not enjoy motherhood and its trappings. It's hard to explain the difference, but there's a difference.”
One user replied, “This. Theres a huge difference. It’s why I realized I would be one and done.”
“Mom here as well and absolutely felt/feel the same way. Being a mom is a thankless job that often goes unnoticed. We're treated as if it's expected of us with others telling us "being a mom is the best thing ever!". Sorry, but I call BS. Your feelings are valid, but I do recommend finding a therapist, preferably in their 30-40's who will listen and not push you aside. It took me 4 therapists before finding an incredible woman who validated me and helped work through all the emotions.
Focus on letting your kids see how incredible of a mom you are to them and for them. It's ok to love your kids and not love kids in general, or being a mom,” another user echoed.
It’s a both/and, right? We can love our kids immensely, feel some sort of purpose because we are their mother and yet...we can grieve everything we lost because of having kids — the trips, the jobs, the fitness goals, the life we could have led. And that is okay!
