Mom Wants To Know If She’s In The Wrong For Having An Intervention About Her Husband’s Parenting

Another day, another parenting drama on Reddit’s Am I The Assh*le? forum. Today’s query comes from u/throwawayparent0x0 — whom we’ll call Throw-Away. Throw-Away and her husband are both absolutely in love with their brand new, 10-week-old baby. She loves how much her husband wants to spend every possible minute basking in the little one’s presence. But there’s a problem.

“He engages in unsafe behaviors,” she explains, “like falling asleep on the couch while baby is contact napping, leaving baby on the play mat unattended while the dog is in the room, or putting baby for a day nap with his bib still on.”

For his part, she says, her husband thinks she’s being overly anxious and “making a big deal out of nothing.” He easily dismisses her concerns. Leaving the baby alone with the dog? The dog won’t hurt him! Napping on the couch? Well he “holds the baby firmly while sleeping.”

(Honestly, if these aren’t “Looks At Camera Like I’m On The Office” moments I don’t know what are...)

“I admit I don't react calmly and freak out, which makes him act defensive,” she explains (girl). “But he is being unsafe and it stresses me out. I feel like I can't leave him alone with the baby which only offends him more.”

Since her husband wasn’t really hearing her concerns, she did the marriage equivalent of speaking to the manager: involving her in-laws, specifically her mother-in-law and sister-in-law.

“They took my side and ripped him a new one,” she says. “Now husband is angry that I brought him into it and made ‘a whole intervention’ like he's such a bad dad.”

Throw-Away wants to know if she’s the assh*le, either for insisting her husband change his behavior or for involving his family.

Throw-Away, I’m going to hold your hand when I say this: you’re absolutely NTA.

Don’t believe me? Then listen to almost all of the more than 1,500 commenters who agree...

“NTA,” says one comment with 17,000 upvotes. “I am sick of men not educating themselves on this and forcing you to do the labour of finding sources to teach him how to be a parent when you yourself are new to it too… and then he doesn’t even listen to you. I would be livid. If he isn’t willing to educate himself, he has to default to your knowledge. He doesn’t get a say in any decisions if he’s not knowledgeable about anything.”

“NTA,” agrees another. “He was free to start behaving as a responsible parent on his own. But he did not, forcing your hand.”

“A safe baby is more important than hurt feelings,” says a third.

Throw-Away: please bring your husband here. I want to talk to him. (Don’t worry, I’m nice.)

Hi, Mr. Throw-Away. Listen, I’m a parent and I get it: in those early days, we’re simultaneously so in love and also hanging on by a thread. Our sense of self has been burst into a million pieces in good ways and bad. We love parenting, and it feels good to us. So when we’re confronted with information that harshes that dopamine buzz, our first instinct is to push back.

Please don’t do that.

Because it’s not personal. No one instantly knows how to be a parent. And no matter how many parenting books you read you’re still going to find yourself in a situation where you screw up because you just didn’t know. Moms and dads alike have a lot to learn about infants... and toddlers... preschools and grade schoolers, obviously... tweens and teens.... adult children... it never ends, is what I’m saying. That’s not anything to feel bad about. You don’t know what you don’t know and there are so many ways your little one can get seriously hurt.

But here’s the thing — when someone points out a legitimate danger you don’t get to dismiss those facts because it temporarily makes you feel dumb. You say “Oh! I didn’t know that: thanks!” and then do better moving forward. It’ll keep your baby safe and it will make you an even better parent.