“Cuteness Aggression” Is Real & Powerful & We Don't Quite Get It, Either

There’s this thing we do in my family that may seem absolutely terrible from the outside, but among our ranks it’s really very cute. I’ll grab my kids by their faces, and chaotically shout “Look at this stupid face! It’s so stupid! I’m going to squish it until it pops because you’re a stupid baby!” And then I cover them in kisses for a solid 30 seconds as they giggle in delight. I’m not being mean! They know this is the ultimate expression of my love, on account of “cuteness aggression.” It’s a thing! It’s the phenomenon that makes you want to sink your teeth into a deliciously chonky little baby thigh. And it’s something TikTok creator Sadie Golden (@sadiebreann_) knows all too well.

In a recent video, she appears holding an adorable, (relevant!) chonky little baby. We only see the little one from behind, but we want to squeeze him.

“Do you understand how much self control it takes to not...” she trails off, looking overwhelmed and frustrated. “If you have cuteness aggression... I am clenching my teeth so many times because every single move he makes? I want to bite you. Not actually bite you and hurt you but, like, bite you because you’re so cute and I don’t know what to do with all of this apparent aggression.”

I’m pretty sure humans have been experiencing cute aggression forever. Whomst among us doesn’t remember older family members pinching our cheeks? Look me in the eyes and tell me looking at two otters holding hands doesn’t send you into a blissful rage? But the term itself has only been around for about a decade.

Social psychologist Oriana Aragón described the well-documented phenomenon in her paper “Dimorphous Expressions of Positive Emotion: Displays of Both Care and Aggression in Response to Cute Stimuli” as “playful aggression.” Though it should be noted that words meaning basically the same thing can be found throughout cultures, particularly in Southeast Asia and Oceania.

So why does it happen? Look, I’ll level with you: the articles I’ve read on the subject point to all sorts of chemical reactions in the body and inherent brain structures and evolutionary adaptations but it kind of boils down to “human brains are weird and babies are adorable” and I’m OK rolling with that.

But what’s to be done when we feel the irrepressible urge to eat our young? Golden has found a great coping mechanism.

“It takes an immense amount of self control to not let it ooze out into this tiny perfect baby, and I mean this in the best way possible because I will never, ever, ever hurt this angel of a human, ever. But there is so much... it comes out on my husband. I’m like ‘I gotta grab something! So I grab you!’ I grab this man of a man because he can take it.’”

Honestly, I’m pretty sure most husbands would think of that as a win-win.