Why I'm Done Yelling

Yesterday, I made a proclamation.

I was done yelling.

For good.

It’s been 24 hours.

For 24 hours, I have been extremely mindful of every single word that has come out of my mouth.

That was all the time I needed to really assess and determine my 5 W’s.

The who, what, when, where and whys related to my rants.

My findings were interesting…

First, the whos.

Who was making me yell?

That one was easy.

My kids!

Of course they were the ones making me yell.

Right?

Wrong.

I’ve gotten good at playing the blame game.

No one put a gun to my head.

I was allowing myself to yell.

I was relinquishing my self control. Nobody took that from me.

Ugh.

Okay.

So the who of yelling was determined.

Next, the whats.

What are the situations in which I find myself yelling?

Well, the whats are largely anything that takes up my time or my money.

Powdered sugar…

Now I need to spend my valuable, prescheduled time cleaning something up. Time I had already allotted for something else important.

You know, like checking my Facebook.

I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

If it’s not the mess, it’s the thing that got broken.

The picture frame. The lamp. The DVD player.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE THINGS COST??? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD I HAVE TO WORK TO PAY FOR THAT???

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

And most of these stem from the underlying issue of not following the directions.

IF YOU HAD DONE WHAT I HAD TOLD YOU TO DO THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

The whats are closely related to the whens and wheres.

When and where do I find myself faced with the urge to yell the most?

Simple.

1) Getting into the car.

2) At meal times.

3) When I am on the computer or on the phone.

Which brought me to the last, and most important of the w’s.

The whys.

Why am I yelling?

Well, that was simple too.

Obviously because my kids are being assholes.

Wrong again.

It was me.

Again.

And there are three main reasons why I yell.

The first reason…

1. Because I’m lazy.

How many times have I yelled up the stairs for the kids?

And how many times have I asked the kids to go get someone from upstairs only to have them yell up the stairs, which ultimately results in me yelling at them?

IF I WANTED SOMEONE TO YELL I WOULD HAVE DONE IT MYSELF!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

And then there are the times the kids are upstairs playing, and they are quiet.

Too quiet.

But I don’t want to walk upstairs.

Because I’m being lazy.

And so I wait.

And I wait.

I keep doing whatever it is I’m doing.

And then there is water dripping from the ceiling.

Fuck.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING UP THERE???

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

Which brings me right back to the whats of yelling.

All because I was too lazy to walk up the stairs.

Then there is the second reason why I yell…

2. Because of poor planning.

When I don’t plan ahead, I am just asking for trouble.

When I haven’t thought about what I’m going to make for dinner and it’s 6:00 and I’m trying to rush because it’s getting late and the kids are asking me for something to eat because they are staaaaaarving and I yell at them,

IF YOU WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE I WOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE DINNER! GO UPSTAIRS AND PLAY!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

And then they do go upstairs.

And fill up the bathtub.

Until it overflows and drips through the ceiling.

Well,

then the yelling really gets loud.

Which brings me to the third reason I yell…

3. Because of unreasonable expectations.

Five of our kids are under the age of ten.

They cannot exit the house, get into the car and all be buckled into their seats in under 3 minutes.

I need to give them more time.

There is only so long they can be left unattended and to their own devices.

And there is only so long they can cooperate.

When they get into trouble, and when they don’t cooperate, they aren’t being assholes.

They’re being kids.

It is unreasonable for me to expect a 2, 4, 5, 7, and 9-year-old to behave and follow the rules for an unspecified amount of time.

To expect that they will not want my attention when they haven’t had it for the past thirty minutes.

So what is wrong with my kids?

Nothing.

There were a couple things wrong with me, though.

But starting today, at least yelling at my kids isn’t one of them.

Related post: The Mother Of Rage