14 Things IDGAF About Anymore

I used to think that grown-ups had it all figured out; that when I became a grown-up, I’d have my shit together. But the truth is, no one has the answers. We’re all just winging it.

But as I’ve gotten older (still not sure if I’m a grown-up or not, but whatever), I have gotten better at taking stock of my life and recognizing those things that are wasting energy in my emotional gas tank. We’ve all got only so many fucks to give, and sometimes we need to look at our fuck-giving budget and make adjustments so that we aren’t running on E. Sometimes in life you just gotta say FTS and move on.

In that vein, here are just a few of the things that IDGAF about:

1. Being nice all the time.

I am a lifelong people-pleaser, and absolutely loathe confrontation. But one of the benefits of growing older and running out of fucks is that you lose your chill a bit. You care less about making sure everyone is comfortable at your own expense. You learn the difference between being nice and being kind. And you realize that sometimes you gotta let go of the “good girl” façade and stand up for yourself.

2. Anything to do with the Royal Family.

Look, I love a squishy new baby as much as the next person. But haven’t we been all up in Duchess Kate’s business (literally) enough? She’s had three babies and each time the world lost its collective mind over her pregnancy. Haven’t we seen an hours-postpartum Kate, in full makeup and heels, enough? We all know she’s sporting a pair of mesh underwear under that red sheath. She’s great, but I just don’t have energy for the royal family obsession.

3. Whether my kids’ Fortnite game is done.

Ahhh, the joys and struggles of Fortnite. I love that my kids can entertain themselves (read: leave me alone for a few minutes) while virtually hanging out with their friends, but if I have to hear “just wait mom, I’m in the middle of a battle” one more time when I tell my kids it’s time for dinner, I’m going to lose my shit. Let me break it down for you, dear child of mine, I do not give a single shit whether you’re battle is finished or not; dinner is on the table in 3 minutes so you best figure out a way to win or die STAT.

4. Being popular.

I’m not gonna lie, it still feels kind of shitty when I see photos of casual friends out together on a Saturday night while I’m scrolling through Facebook. But then I remember that I’m home, on the couch, not wearing a bra or talking to people, and I realize that my Saturday night plans are so much better. And let’s be honest, I have a hard enough time getting together with the friends I already have; I don’t have time or energy to make any new friends.

5. Petty AF bullshit.

I’m a polite AF and sweet as pie, most of the time. I generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt, assume good intentions, and let shit go. But don’t fucking cross me or you will feel the wrath. I have zero patience for negative, petty bullshit. ZERO.

6. Your private messages about the “amazing new product” you want to tell me about.

I’m full up on leggings. I don’t need any more subscriptions to eye cream. And my drug store toothpaste works just fine. Thanks, but no thanks.

7. Swearing.

Much to my mother’s chagrin, I swear. A lot. I get a creative thrill out of weaving words like bitchtastic and assholery into everyday conversations, and few things bring the cathartic joy of a few well-placed F-bombs. So it’s no surprise that my kids are privy to a lot of colorful language. And since I’m not a hypocrite, I don’t really mind when they swear – with a few caveats, of course. First, there’s a time and place for swearing, and second, I do actually give several fucks about whether they are assholes or not.

8. Fake, dishonest, and mean people.

Another benefit of getting older is that I’m getting better at trusting my own intuition, especially when it comes to people. I can sniff out fake people like a blood hound, and I have no fucks to give for your phoniness. Same goes for lies and meanness. Buh-bye.

9. Going to bed on time.

I try, I really do. I have the best intentions of everyone being in pajamas, teeth brushed, with plenty of time for some family bedtime reading. But that just never happens. Instead, it’s a mad dash to get into bed even close to bedtime. There’s usually shouting, teeth brushing is sometimes skipped, and reading together as a family turns into my kids reading by flashlight under their covers well after their bedtime because mama has got nothing left to give.

Same goes for my own bedtime. Even on those days when I’m exhausted and tell myself I’ll get to bed at a reasonable time, I’m usually up late scrolling through Facebook. Bedtimes, shmedtimes. We’re doing our best.

10. What my family wears.

My oldest son is wearing shorts and no coat in the winter? No fucks given. My youngest son is wearing the same Star Wars t-shirt three days in a row? No fucks given. I’m wearing clearance sweatpants with a mystery stain on the knee? No fucks given. My husband’s summer dad uniform is cargo shorts? You get the picture. As long as everyone is clothed, I’m done caring.

12. Toxic relationships.

I’m an emotional and sensitive person, who cares deeply and gets hurt easily. I have an optimistic outlook and generally see the silver lining in most situations, but if you are sucking the joy out of my life or pouring water on my sunny disposition or generally taking advantage of my generous spirit, you have got to go. I ain’t got no time for toxic nonsense.

13. If my kids are bored.

Summer break is nearly upon us, and I can already hear the “I’m SOOO bored!” complaints coming from my kids’ mouths. But you know what? IDGAF. I’m not here to give them a magical childhood filled with rainbows and unicorns every day. Besides, boredom is really just a lack of creativity. Go have an adventure. Make a mess. I don’t care, just do something. And if you’re still bored, I have some closets that need cleaning.

14. Shoulds.

I should eat a healthier diet. I should take better care of my skin. I should meditate and do yoga. Should, should, should. Well, you know what? Fuck should. We do what we can when we can, and that’s that.

Look, life is too short and our bucket of fucks is often at risk of running dry. So we need to conserve and be smart with the fucks we give. Personally, I save most of mine for my family and my work (both my job and volunteer work). Which leaves very few fucks for nonsense.

Adulting is filled with a fair amount of shit we don’t want to do. And sometimes we need to just suck it up and handle it. But sometimes we can say IDGAF and move on. And that, my friends, is one of the most beautiful things about being an adult.