This Sneaky Wine Purse Is Our Mom Dream Realized

Tote discreetly holds five liters of wine and is equipped with a built-in pour spout

Picking out a purse can be overwhelming. Unless you’re a serial purse-switcher, you want it to work for you on a daily basis, with all the right compartments and features. Suddenly, you spot that perfect purse with something special that makes the other factors fade into the distance. And this time, that something special is the ability to hold and dispense five liters of wine.

Ladies, this is not a drill.

According to Simple Most, online retailer Uncommon Goods just made our collective mom dreams come true by offering the Wine Dispensing Travel Tote for the beyond-reasonable price of $129.95. It might sound a bit steep at first, but allow me to elaborate.

Not only does this magic sack hold a five liter bag of wine (you can use boxed wine, but you don’t have to), there are also compartments to hold cups and everything else you might want to put in there. But it does beg the question — if you have five liters of wine, what in the hell else do you need to worry about?

The pattern might not be my style, but I’m willing to overlook it because of everything else it boasts. This little godsend comes with a spout to release your happy juice discreetly, an ice pack to keep it cold (hello, warm pinot grigio is friggin’ disgusting) along with the plastic sack you can fill with any beverage of your choosing. So if boxed wine isn’t your thing, you can bring along something fancier. Or, straight liquor. The world is your oyster, really.

Some of you innocent unicorns might be scratching your heads wondering why in the hell a mom would want to cart around five liters of wine in her purse to which I say, your 8-year-old’s softball double header, your son’s endless elementary school orchestra concert, your nephew’s high school graduation with a class of 400, or just to a friend’s house who doesn’t normally stock wine. You are prepared for literally anything.

And along with all of these incredible features, the bag, designed by modern-day folk hero Tracey Luebbers, was made in an American factory owned and operated by women.

Because of course it was. Sorry, bros. No way would any of you dream up something this perfectly suited to our needs.

The bag is available for purchase right now, so fire up those credit cards and get ready for the best summer of your mom life.