There is a woman in my kids’ life who I am forced to deal with whether I like it or not. I didn’t pick her. I didn’t choose her. I didn’t ask her to come into our lives, and truth be told, I wasn’t ready for her.
But she’s here, and I’m happy about that.
My ex-husband met her and fell in love last summer. He is blissfully happy. Six months after they met, I found myself sitting in a coffee shop with her, laughing while she talked me into online dating. She sent a text a few minutes before I got there letting me know she was there and asked if I wanted anything. After meeting her, I soon realized she wasn’t trying to be overly nice by doing this; this is just who she is.
We discussed the kids, our love of Coach bags, and how a woman needs time alone to heal after a divorce. She is beautiful; she is generous; she is genuinely a joyful person.
I never thought I’d be in this position, meeting the person who would become a second mother to my kids. But I decided this is about them and not me. This is about her, and the fact that she’s fallen in love with the man I used to be married to. He comes as a package with three offspring, it’s kind of a big deal and she knows it.
This is about moving forward and letting go of resentment and old relationships and throwing away all the hurt because I’ve already soaked up and learned what I needed to learn.
And now it’s time.
It’s time to face the fact that I cannot be married to my kids’ father anymore and he deserves true happiness. It’s time to let my kids see you are able to pick up the pieces and find love again. It’s time to share them with someone else who is worthy of them, because she is so worthy.
I am confident if I got to interview thousands of women who may become a part of my kids lives, in the way that she has, I would have picked her.
They come home after spending time with her and they always have fun stories to share, they’ve made new memories, and they aren’t afraid of what the future will bring.
They are seeing their father in a loving, healthy relationship, and they have an understanding of how moving on can be a good, positive experience and open you up to meeting people.
They aren’t nervous about what is going to happen next, or what this means for our family, or if their lives are going to be affected a certain way.
Because they know something: They know their father is happy. They know I am happy. They know that you can say goodbye to someone in one way, and say hello in another. They have seen that things can change, yet they can still feel right — maybe even better than before.
And with her, it just feels right.
There was a short time when I felt I had been replaced quickly, and it hurt a little when I would see a picture she’d taken with my kids and ex-husband while she sat in the passenger seat of a car where I used to sit.
It wasn’t super fun the day my daughter came home and decided she would only listen to country music now because that’s what she listens to.
But it’s fine. It’s better than fine. My kids are now loved twice as much as they were before.
They adore her, they love her, and for those reasons, I love her. I am thankful she takes care of the three souls I adore more than anything when they are not with me. I truly believe she loves them as her own.
Now I realize you cannot be replaced by someone who is not you. She has not replaced me, nor is that her intention. She has made my kids’ hearts grow, they’ve welcomed her, they’ve made room for her after what they’ve been through, and that is an amazing gift for all of us.
