45+ Of The Very Best Clean 'What's The Difference Between' Jokes To Tell

Everyone loves a good clean joke. Tossing out a zinger is a great icebreaker. It’s also a fantastic way to entertain a kid who’s “soooo bored.” What’s even better is when the joke is both smart and funny. Case in point? “What’s the difference between” jokes can be both lighthearted and impressively clever. Another reason to love this genre of jokes? You don’t hear them very often. Knock-knock jokes might get all the fanfare, but we think “what’s the difference between” jokes deserve just as much credit. They’re hilarious and brain-busting, all rolled up into one. It’s like if riddles and regular jokes met, fell in love, and delivered a bunch of sweet little hybrid punchlines.

All of that to say, if you’re looking to share some jokes that are both surprising and amusing, we’ve got plenty of examples you can choose from to help lighten any mood. Got a kid who’s pouting with you because you made them clean their room? Bust out some of these “what’s the difference” jokes and see how long it takes for them to crack a smile. By the time you get through the entire list, they’ll have forgotten what they were mad about in the first place!

1. What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws. The other has a pause at the end of its clause.

1. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know, and I don’t care.

1. What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?

One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.

1. What’s the difference between a jeweler and a sea captain?

One sees the watches, and the other watches the seas.

1. What’s the difference between a Zippo and a hippo?

One is heavy while the other is a little lighter.

1. How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

1. What’s the difference between a piano, glue, and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.

1. What about the glue?

I knew you’d get stuck on that.

1. What’s the difference between a catfish and a thief?

One’s a bottom-dwelling scum sucker; the other’s just a fish.

1. What’s the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night?

A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep. A horror night is when your teddy bear hugs you back.

1. What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a dog?

Santa Claus wears a suit, and a dog… just pants!

1. What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?

No one cries when you chop up an accordion!

1. What’s the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?

One sells watches and the other watches cells.

1. What is the difference between a battery and Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh?

A battery has a positive side.

1. What’s the difference between a washing machine and a violist?

Vibrato.

1. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

1. How can you tell the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?

By their seasoning.

1. What’s the difference between pizza and your opinion?

I asked for the pizza.

1. What’s the difference between America and a pen drive?

One is the USA, and the other is a USB.

1. What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One you’ll see later; the other you’ll see in a while.

1. What’s the difference between an Italian barber and an angry circus ringmaster?

One’s a shaving roman and the other’s a raving showman.

1. What’s the difference between a museum and Mordor?

One does not simply walk into Mordor.

1. What’s the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins, “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…”

1. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a richly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

1. What’s the difference between a yacht and a boat?

About $100 million.

1. What’s the difference between a female ant and a male ant?

A girl ant sinks in the water. A buoyant floats.

1. What’s the difference between a pie and a cobbler?

One’s a dessert and the other makes shoes.

1. What’s the difference between the winner of a bodybuilding competition and a couch potato?

One has a trophy for muscles and the other has muscle atrophy.

1. What’s the difference between George Washington and Richard Nixon?

Washington couldn’t tell a lie. Nixon couldn’t tell the truth.

1. What is the difference between baseball and law?

In baseball, if you’re caught stealing, you’re out.

1. What’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

1. What’s the difference between the Dark Knight and a dark night?

The letter k.

1. What’s the difference between toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise?

Nothing, they both try to get rid of Klingons.

1. What’s the difference between your best high score and your worst epic fail?

A bit.

1. What’s the difference between a restaurant lounge and an elephant fart?

One’s a barroom and the other’s a BARROOM.

1. What’s the difference between a fisherman and a lazy schoolboy?

One baits his hook, and the other hates his book.

1. What’s the difference between democracy and feudalism?

With feudalism, it’s your count that votes!

1. What’s the difference between a duck?

One of its legs are both the same.

1. What’s the difference between a battle horse and a cart horse?

One darts into the fray and the other farts into the hay.

1. What’s the difference between a macaw and a banjo?

One’s loud, obnoxious, and noisy. The other’s a bird.

1. What’s the difference between a banjo player driving down the road and a frog driving down the road?

There’s a slight possibility the frog might be going to a gig.

1. What’s the difference between a booger and broccoli?

Kids won’t eat broccoli.

1. What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives. A frog croaks every night.

1. What’s the difference between a guitar and a jellyfish?

You can’t strum a jellyfish.

1. What’s the difference between a dead dinosaur and a lump of coal?

A million years.

1. What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

1. What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.