Mom Insists This Baby Doll Is Calling Her Daughter A ‘Bitch’ And Where Can We Get One?

We would like to order a dozen, please

A mom in the UK is insisting her daughter’s Christmas gift of a talking baby doll is actually a cursing little monster calling the kid a bitch. She has video evidence to prove it, but we only have one question.

Where can we buy one? Or 12. Because, oh my God.

Siobhan Fox tells The Sun of the traumatizing moment she realized her two-year-old daughter Darcey was being called names by her new toy, the My Little Baby Born Walks Doll that Fox purchased at a local Toys “R” Us.

“My husband got it out for her and put the batteries in – I was not in the room. My daughter had it off my husband and it just caught his ear. It’s meant to say ‘mama, dada’ – it’s totally not.”

Once I stop lol-hyperventilating, we can talk.

OK. I’ve regained composure. First of all, no. Nope. Nah. Not a chance. That doll is absolutely not saying “bitch,” it’s clearly some kind of gurgly baby babble sound, as a spokesperson for Zapf Creations, the maker of the doll, tells The Sun: “The My Little BABY born Walks doll includes baby babble sounds that are in no way meant to represent language or cause any offence to users.”

But it sure does sound a little bit like she’s saying “bitch” and for that reason, we would like to order as many of them as we can. Hey, cursing baby doll. You can totally sit with us.

If this happened to me, my husband and I would first pee ourselves laughing. Then we would send video of the “swearing” little brat to everyone we know and probably share it on Facebook and also, keep the doll forever as a family heirloom, because nothing would capture the essence of my family a few generations down the road quite like a dead-eyed baby doll who won’t stop saying “bitch.”

But that’s not how Fox is handling the situation. The store offered to refund her money or exchange the toy, but instead, she’s demanding the dolls all be removed from shelves. “I do not know if it’s a one off or if they’re all saying that,” she says, hands firmly clutched around her pearls.

She also expresses concern that this was the toy her daughter “really wanted” and she felt awful taking it from her. As though this baby doll is not one of literally zillions just like it and a two-year-old will not know the difference and honestly, just CTFD.

TL;DR; that doll is not saying bitch, but if it were, you treasure that shit and plaster hilarious videos of it swearing all over the internet and also, make it the centerpiece of your kitchen table while playing card games and drinking wine when your friends come over.