Starbucks' New Cup Is Pissing People Off And It's Hilarious

People have a lot of feelings about Starbucks’ new cup design

The holiday season is upon us! That wonderful time of year when a certain segment of the population insists that the time between Halloween and New Year’s is for celebrating Jesus’ birthday only, thankyouverymuch. Don’t say “Happy Holidays!” it’s “Merry Christmas,” heathens. Also, anyone who’s selling anything better have a Christmas tree adorning their packaging. Or maybe Christ on the cross. You know, something festive.

Coffee cup outrage isn’t a new thing for Starbucks. Last year people were pissed because their holiday cups were just red — no Christmas trees, no nothing. This year, they’ve put their Peppermint Mocha in a green cup with no hint at Christmas whatsoever, so you can imagine how that’s going over.

Starbucks didn’t get the memo that if you release anything remotely holiday themed you need to have the three wise men or baby Jesus incorporated somehow. They had the nerve to release some new beverages yesterday in green cups with no mention of Jesus, whatsoever. Yesterday marked the return of the store’s Chestnut Praline Latte, Caramel Brulée Latte, and Peppermint Mocha. The coffee giant had the nerve to put those seasonal beverages in a green cup, with a continuous line connecting faces of all sorts, representing unity or something.

“The green cup and the design represent the connections Starbucks has as a community with its partners (employees) and customers,” Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz said in a statement. “During a divisive time in our country, Starbucks wanted to create a symbol of unity as a reminder of our shared values, and the need to be good to each other.”

“The need to be good to each other?” Whose idea was that? The devil himself? The people want fucking Christmas trees, Howard. Yes, we know there was literally no mention of these cups being connected to the holiday season in your statement, but that didn’t stop some very smart people on Twitter from expressing their outrage. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out this “divisive time” has everything to do with the election next week. Forgoing the red cup in favor of a message of unity is actually pretty great, but why see the good in something when you can be pissed off?

Starbucks actually responded to the outrage on Twitter, which angered some people even more.

Fuck you, Starbucks! You forgot Jesus! Who does that?

I will not be brainwashed by your message of unity and love. I WON’T.

Ugh. The libs and all of their “unity.”

Stop pushing your agenda of unity, Starbucks. It’s disgusting. The holiday season is upon us, we need some judgment, ire, and maybe flames? Have you ever considered a purgatory line?

Christ loves coffee. Remember that time he turned a bunch of water into Chestnut Praline Lattes? What would’ve happened if he served those up in non-denominational cups? Chaos, that’s what.

A leaked photo on Reddit shows those who fear the end of days is near because Starbucks isn’t using red cups this holiday season can relax.

Look! It’s red! Thank God. Put the Christ back in coffee, Starbucks. We’re counting on you.

[free_ebook]