Starbucks Accused Of Promoting A 'Gay Agenda' -- With Their Holiday Cups

No, it’s not a joke — Starbucks has been accused of promoting a ‘gay agenda’

Every year, Starbucks releases a holiday-themed design for their coffee cups. Seems innocent enough, right? Commercialism is rife with holiday pandering, because DUH. So when Starbucks released their 2017 holiday design earlier this month via an adorable animated cartoon with the message that Starbucks is for “everyone,” people everywhere united in their love for all things holiday and coffee. Right?

HAHAHAHA. No, of course not. Because this is 2017, Year Of All Things Bad, so naturally someone had to take a giant, inclusivity-hating dump all over Starbucks’ holiday cup. Because it wouldn’t be the holiday season if people weren’t clutching their pearls over a coffee cup — remember 2015? First it was Keurig, now it’s Starbucks. Go figure.

Right-wing conservatives are mad that the cartoon implies Starbucks serves customers who may or may not be gay. THE NERVE.

The video features diverse pairings of Starbucks customers enjoying — what else — the world’s most popular coffee during the holiday season. There is even a glimpse of two female characters who are holding hands. The cup itself features a pair of hands. Hands are typically pretty gender neutral-looking, especially in cartoon sketch form.

Soon enough, conservative sites like Fox News and The Blaze lashed out, saying Starbucks was promoting a “gay agenda” because of these “mystery hands.”

What is happening? Are we in The Upside Down? THEY ARE HANDS. And who cares if they’re the hands of people who are gay/bi/transgender? Well bigots do, apparently. Thankfully we have Twitter to help us solve the true mystery: why would anyone get this upset about Starbucks cups?

Oh, right. That’s who gets mad about Starbucks cups.

Savage.

Seriously, though. Where can I sign up for that brand of ignorant bliss privilege?

It’s OK to LOL at Hitler in this form and this form only.

And furthermore:

/FIN.