President Trump Is On Twitter Threatening To Bomb Other Countries Again

Trump appears to be trying to start violent international conflicts before anyone’s had their coffee

Good morning, America. It’s time to wipe the sleep from your eyes, stretch, and check your phone to see what President Trump is ranting about on Twitter again.

Deep breath: this morning is kind of worse than most mornings. He warmed up by talking about Fake News, as usual, but then, within an hour, he was threatening a Syrian missile strike and taunting Russia. Ugh.

“Get ready, Russia,” he wrote, completely eliminating any element of surprise while at the same time talking about military actions (presumably) without talking to the military first. Grrrreat.

After waiting about a half-hour, he returned to Twitter in a more contemplative state. “Stop the arms race?” he said, after suggesting that all nations work together. It’s as if he is arguing with his Tweet from mere minutes ago. It’s also as if he’s forgotten like, a lot of stuff about our country, his past, and his relationship with Putin, who he recently congratulated for “winning” reelection.

But before threats of war, Trump started his day just like so many others: writing a freshly-baked tweet about “The Failing New York Times.” In it, he deflects a report that special counsel Robert Mueller is investigating a 2015 deal between Trump and a Ukrainian steel magnate in which the Trump Foundation was paid $150,000 in exchange for a short appearance.

Wow, you really know you’re in a tight spot when you can abbreviate the word “Collusion” as “C” and everyone on earth knows what you mean.

Then he decided to point out that the goings-on at White House are “very calm and calculated” — likely in response to multiple reports that he is extremely angry about the investigation involving his personal attorney Michael Cohen.

Yes, many people like to point out, completely out of the blue, how calm and calculated they’ve been acting. Surely this has nothing to do with the fact that Newsweek reported that you had a “meltdown” and are spending much of your time pouting and watching television.

Next up, Trump takes a moment to reassure the country that the administration is “…doing things that nobody thought possible” (totally agree) and that there’s “No Collusion or Obstruction (other than I fight back).” Hopefully, if this Tweet is seen by enough eyes, someone close to the president can tell him that “fighting back” is like literally the dictionary definition of obstruction.

Finally, he circles back to his favorite topics: fake news and the collusion investigation. Instead of blaming the “bad blood” with Russia on any number of things, including hundreds of years of complex history, he blames it on the “Fake & Corrupt Russia Investigation,” which he really could have abbreviated as “F&CRI” at this point.

It’s not the first time that Trump has hinted at blowing up things across the world. In January, he bragged that he could start a nuclear war with North Korea — though luckily nothing has come of that, at least yet.

It’s hard to wonder why no one’s stopping Trump from these insane, damaging, confusing early-morning tweets? And also: how do these tweets not violate Twitter’s terms of service when it comes to threats of violence?

You know, it’s not new for presidents to reach out to the American people. Franklin D. Roosevelt connected with us through his fireside chats, while Barack Obama used social media to convey messages of love and hope. This is just a little bit different. It’s more like when your friend who just went through a breakup gets drunk and you have to take her phone away, for the good of everyone involved.

Except that no one is taking Trump’s phone away. Or his access to missiles for that matter.