One In 4 Parents Threaten To Take Away Their Kids' Christmas Presents
And threats are the most common type of discipline used by parents on preschool-aged children.
It can be so hard to discipline young kids in the right way. Toddlers and preschoolers are notorious worldwide for their stubbornness, tantrums, and boundary-testing. And at the same time, the parents of young kids are often sleep-deprived, burned out, and worn down. It can be a bad combination, and it can be so, so hard to discipline your children without being a jerk at the same time. Add in some holiday stress, and it’s an uphill battle.
A new national poll has found that threats are the number one type of discipline that parents use on their preschoolers (kids aged 3 to 5), even though threats are not found to be the most effective way to parent. And a full 25% of parents admitted that they’ve threatened to take away their kids’ Christmas presents or threatened that they’d tell Santa to skip their house.
Half of parents said they use bribes, too. And 40% admitted to spanking — physical discipline that is tied to poor outcomes and that is not recommended by doctors.
The information, collected by The University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children's Hospital National Poll on Children's Health, comes from 725 respondents, all of whom had at least one child in between the ages of 1 and 5.
Parents admitted that they have trouble staying consistent or picking the right types of discipline for the situation, in many cases because they are tired, frustrated, or just at the end of their rope. One-fourth of respondents say that they are too irritated or too tired to remember to use proven discipline strategies.
It’s the reason that many parents have threatened their kid with leaving the park if their kid throws sand one more time, even if they don’t plan on following through.
"Discipline helps young children learn what behaviors are safe and appropriate and can play a crucial role in helping them learn the difference between right and wrong," Mott Poll co-director Dr. Susan Woolford told Science Daily. "Empty threats, however, undermine trust and credibility and aren't usually effective. Positive reinforcement and consistent discipline are more likely to shape long term behavior."
What strategies work best for toddlers and preschoolers?
For kids who are very young, discipline doesn’t even make sense to them. In this case, experts including Woolford recommend redirection and distraction, noting that kids at this age aren’t deliberately misbehaving.
For kids who are in preschool, empty threats, spanking, and yelling are not as effective as consistent, logical consequences. For example, Woolford says, if your kid deliberately knocks over a drink, the logical consequence is having them clean up the mess.
Time outs and setting limits are two other effective tools at this age.
And consistency is as important as anything.
"It's important for parents to plan ahead and be on the same page with discipline strategies to provide a foundation for understanding expectations and prevent sending mixed signals about boundaries,” she told Science Daily.
In addition, Woolford adds that discipline should not exist without positive reinforcement when the child is behaving well.
"Balancing correction with positive reinforcement — like praise and rewards — helps children build self-esteem while learning from their mistakes."
So, next time you feel like threatening your kids that their presents won’t show up on Christmas morning, take a deep, deep breath and consider a natural consequence or a time out.
