The Best Teen Parenting Power Move? Stop Talking
“There is important parenting that happens in silence.”
Remember your teenage years, when you wished you could tell your parents to please, please, shut up? Maybe you actually tried it out, in which case, you are far more brave than I ever was. Well, it turns out your angsty teenage self might have actually been on to something.
Yes, shutting up might actually be the right move when it comes to parenting teens, at least according to psychologist and teen parent coach Jenny Hwang.
“The most surefire way of creating space for your teen is to stop talking,” Hwang said in a video posted to Reels.
She explained that a ranting, dissatisfied teen is perfectly normal — it’s a big, scary world out there! Teens need space to process that, and aren’t always looking for a solution.
“Don't take their dissatisfaction personally,” Hwang said. “Give yourself at least one time where, in the face of your teen's dissatisfaction, when you normally would be scrambling to try to make something better, or to try to talk them out of how miserable they are, just let it be.”
If it feels uncomfortable, that’s to be expected.
“This is how conditioned we are to feel, like parenting equals doing, parenting equals talking, parenting equals guiding,” Hwang explained. “But there is important parenting that happens in silence.”
Parents in the comments shared that fighting the urge to interject with advice was difficult, but well worth it.
“Hardest lesson for me!” one mom shared. “Working on this all the time. It’s my own trauma response coming through. My fear of rejection. Consistently reminding myself it’s not about me! And to 🤫 and be a silent powerful supporter of my children.”
“The quiet/gap/pause is the ‘negative space’ in the relationship,” another user added. “It’s as important as the noise and action.”
“I’m so uncomfortable in that space but I’m learning it’s power so I’m trying,” one mom responded.
It’s so difficult to hold back, to not tell your kid that everything will be alright, to not explain everything, to keep the solution to yourself. Try to step into your teenage self’s shoes (dirty Chuck Taylors, perhaps). Teenage you probably just wanted to be heard. Your teen wants the exact same thing.
