Here’s How To Talk About Your Kids “Behind Their Back” So It’s A Good Thing

We’re no strangers to controversial parenting hacks — and honestly, if they work, they work. So what if you have to trick your kids to eat dinner by pretending it’s from McDonald’s as long as they’re eating it? So, when one mom suggested talking about your kids’ behind their back, honestly, we didn’t have many questions.

Now, you might be hesitant. It’s impolite to gossip, you may think. And of course we’ve all been told, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.”

So, it’s a good thing we’re only saying nice things.

“My husband and I talk behind our kids backs all the time — It's not what you think,” said mom of three Cara Nicole in an Instagram Reel.

“For our 5-year-old and our 3-year-old, whenever we know that they are close and within earshot, but we’re not directly having a conversation with them, my husband and I will talk to each other and tell each other things that we want to positively and reinforce in our kids,” she explained.

Cara explained how one of those secretive conversations might play out.

“It may sound like, ‘Oh my gosh today, Hudson, I asked him if he was eating the Play-Doh, and instead of lying to me and telling me he wasn’t, he told me the truth, and I am just so grateful that he trusted me to tell me the truth and I’m so proud of him for telling me the truth,’” she said.

It might feel a little silly to put on a whole performance to tell your kid their doing a good job — why not just say it to their face? But Cara explained why she feels talking behind their back carries more weight.

“This is such a powerful way of reinforcing that positive behavior,” she said. “There’s just something about when you know that they’re not talking to you, like they’re not faking it, they really think this about me.”

One commenter even pointed out that this tactic could end up setting a positive example for their kids.

“Additionally they are hearing you and your husband praising others instead of talking badly. I guarantee they will emulate this with their friends,” she wrote.

We’re all for it. Let’s channel all of our gossipy energy for good.