A Parent Needs To Know: Will Family Activities Always Be Miserable?
They're trying to create magical memories, but leaving the house consistently sucks.
Maybe you try to take your kids sledding. Or to the beach. Or to Disney World. And despite the happy family activity pictures you’ve seen on Instagram and all the movies you’ve seen on TV, you feel barely a moment of joy the entire time. Your kids are crying, Your kids are fighting. Your kids are bored. Your kids hate everything. Your partner is visibly miserable and so are you.
You’re supposed to be creating core memories and experiencing the best moments of your life. And instead, you wonder if it will ever get any better.
This is how one parent felt on Reddit’s parenting forum when they wrote in with a simple question: Are family activities always going to be miserable?
“How come every time I try to do something fun with my family or create magical childhood memories it's just a miserable time?” they asked.
They went on to explain their most recent family outing to a winter cabin, which was not only joyless but left everyone exhausted.
“Booked a trip to a snowy cabin,” they went on. “Everyone played in the snow for 15 minutes and ran around the place all psyched, and then the rest of the afternoon/evening was complain-y and loud and we didn't actually do anything fun because of melt downs and overstimulation. Then at bedtime everyone is crying about wanting to go home and how they don't like the bedrooms and it took forever for the kids to sleep and we are EXHAUSTED.”
They want to know: why should they even leave the house? Why try?
“Like why do I freaking bother??? I am trying to create wonderful childhood memories and instead I'm just grumpy and tired and fed up and i honestly don't even know if the kids had fun,” the continue. “What's the point of trying to do anything with children?”
I think every parent has had a similar thought, probably after a similar “vacation.”
Luckily, a few parents responded with some good advice on how to cope with this feeling and maybe even not be miserable 24/7 during family time.
“I suspect that if we set out with the specific intention to make ‘magical family memories,’ we’re probably going to be disappointed with the outcome most of the time,” reads the most upvoted response. “Those magical family memories you have of your childhood quite probably came out of something last minute, unexpected, unplanned — because that’s often the fun part. That said, no one can blame you for wanting to create those memories, and for trying to do it — it’s natural! We just need to accept that kids gonna kid, and they’re not always onboard with the ideal we have in our heads.”
Yes: lowering expectations is a very good idea. So is looking for organic moments of fun instead of trying to force things.
“How long are your magical memories from childhood? Probably like 15 minutes or a vague, ‘I loved going to the cabin,’” another parent wrote. “We don't remember that mom was losing her mind or that we complained 90% of the time.”
Another parent also pointed out that the original poster might very well be making magical moments for their kids — they just don’t realize it yet.
“Watch, when you leave, they'll be talking about it all year till it's time to go again next winter,” they wrote. “Bam, family tradition. Bam, nostalgic memories made.”
A third parent suggested structuring the heck out of a trip like the one described, even if it seems counterintuitive.
“We structure our trips,” they wrote. “We always have an agenda, even if it’s nothing major. We bring board games, we plan hikes or bike rides, we go see whatever museums or parks are around, depending on the area we’re traveling to. If we were going to a cabin in the woods in winter, then we would bring board games, have a snowman contest, snowball fight, winter hike where we collect interesting stuff, a fire with s’mores, maybe a couple family movie nights. Maybe build an igloo.”
There you have it: three great ideas. Lower your expectations, know that you are creating magic even if it doesn’t feel like it, and lean on some structure so that you don’t just feel stuck in a snowy cabin losing your mind with your children.
There are always going to be miserable aspects of parenting — but it doesn’t have to be quite that miserable.
