My Village Looks After Single Moms On Mother's Day, And It Means So Much To Me

In the past, my Mother’s Days were never too eventful. My kids would bring a piece of art or a poem home from school (which honestly, I’ve always loved) and then our family would go out to brunch or dinner. While I definitely felt the love from my kids, I never got much special treatment from my husband. Definitely no flowers or gifts. Definitely no breaks from parenting or even acknowledgement for how hard I was working as a mom.

I was grateful for everything I had, but still, I absolutely felt resentment every time the day rolled around. Especially when I was asked what the plan was, or when I was still excepted to take on the brunt of parenting for the day, just like any other day. It was hard not to feel isolated and unappreciated. Add to that an infinite scroll of mom friends on social media getting recognized and celebrated, and it made for a blah day at best.

Then, a few years ago, I got divorced. Mother’s Day was now in my hands, and I knew that, with my extended family across the country, I was in charge of treating and celebrating myself. That year, I planned a day that I knew my kids and I would both love: a stop at our favorite cafe for burgers and milkshakes for lunch and then a day at my favorite public conservation area, where you can spend the day hiking, exploring, and observing one of the few wild bison herds in the United States. I also planned the day so that I could consciously avoid social media and pretty much all of humanity by being out of cell range. It would just be me, my kids, and a lot of buffalo.

The day was beautiful. It was kind of like when your husband leaves on a work trip, and you think it’s going to be hard to get by without him, but then it’s actually is much easier and the mood is brighter and everyone has more fun, and you realize you should probably get divorced.

When we returned home that evening, I was surprised to find a basket of treats on my doorstep, left anonymously, and two bouquets of flowers from friends. And when I finally turned my cell phone back on, it started dinging with loving messages from more people who I had never expected to support me in this way. It was clear it was an organized effort. I cried with gratitude for being remembered and recognized by my friends.

Of course, I then decided that everyone was being nice because it was my first Mother’s Day as a divorced mom, and that the special treatment wouldn’t continue. But I was wrong. My village showed up and keeps showing up for me on Mother’s Day.

Now, each year my friend group goes to a group of cabins in the woods for the weekend to celebrate Mother’s Day. It’s a group of six families, including two single moms. Initially, I was so happy to be included in the celebration in the first place, but then I got the details: the single moms were to have zero tasks for the weekend. They were going to be cared for by the community. The meals would be planned without us, the mental load would be lifted, and we would just be asked to relax and enjoy.

In fact, the other single mom and I are (politely) removed from the planning text chat after the initial details of the weekend are organized. No need to worry about costs, food, fitted sheets, logistics, check-in times, or who’s bringing s’more sticks. We were just given a time and date and a packing list of personal items. And the dads in the group take the lead on the rest of it.

Only now do I understand what the day is supposed to feel like: relaxing with my kids, getting a real break from cooking, cleaning, and the everyday tasks of life, and feeling celebrated and cared for by the people who love me.

When I got divorced, like many divorced moms, I wondered where my emotional support would come from. How would I do it all alone, every day, every week, for the foreseeable future? How would I get by? What I didn’t realize was that when I removed myself from a toxic situation and an unbalanced relationship, it left an opening for healthy relationships to grow and thrive. I had to get divorced in order to get the Mother’s Day that I wanted and deserved. The holiday got better when it was just me and my kids, and then infinitely more wonderful when I let in my friends and their families.

I know not everyone has a village and that not every divorced mom is having an amazing Mother’s Day after splitting up with their partner. I know how hard it can be and how alone you can feel — not just on the holiday but on any day that you are doing it all without help. My hope is that happily married people might read about my support network and decide that maybe this is the year to reach out to their divorced mom friends and make sure that they know that they’re loved.

Now that it’s been a few years since I’ve been divorced, I make sure to do my part, too. It’s not only easy to write a text, make a call, write a card, or order some extra flowers, but it feels amazing to acknowledge a single mom that you know is doing her best. She’ll appreciate it more than you know.