A Growing Sentiment

Nothing Has Made Me More "Pro-Choice" Than Becoming a Mother

The toughest job in the world should be your decision.

by Morgan Flaherty
A woman gently kisses a toddler she holds in her arms. The scene is warm, capturing a moment of affe...
Layland Masuda/Getty Images

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling conflicting emotions about being a mother. My daughter is both the best part of my life and has also changed every single element of it drastically. I love her to pieces, but I still end some days feeling more emotionally, physically, and mentally drained than I ever thought possible. There’s a certain amount of guilt that comes with admitting all of this, but I think it’s also essential for parents to talk about the importance of holding space for all these things.

It’s also because of these feelings that I feel so strongly about this: Being a mother should be a choice.

I have always been what some would call “pro-choice,” which is to say, I believe that a pregnant person should be able to choose the option of abortion. My reasoning for this was simple: I would like rights over the healthcare of my own body, and I believe others should have that same inherent right and choice between themselves and their healthcare provider.

Pre-2022, my thoughts on the matter were far less nuanced.

At the time, abortion was a constitutional right in America, so it was never something I gave all that much thought to. In my mind, I didn’t foresee a circumstance I would personally go through with an abortion, but I certainly didn’t feel it was my right to make that decision for others.

Of course, 2022 changed all of that. A major Supreme Court decision overturned the previous federal standards and constitutional right to an abortion, and states began making their own decisions. In my case, I live in Florida, which now has enacted a 6-week abortion ban (with no real exceptions for rape, incest, or the health of the patient), far before many people would even realize they are pregnant.

As the Supreme Court decision was publically announced, I sat in my living room with my one-month-old daughter. I was sleep-deprived, hormonal, still in pain from an emergency C-section, and solely in charge of a fragile little creature. My heart was filled with love for this little girl whose father and I had so desperately wanted. But I was also filled with rage, looking down at her and realizing that her rights to her own bodily autonomy had just been decided for her at merely a few weeks old.

We’re now two years past this landmark ruling, and the true effects have really come to light. Currently, 13 states have near abortion bans, with seven states banning the procedure at or before 18 weeks. Many of these states do not allow exceptions for rape, incest, or the health of the parent.

As for the effects of this? We have seen parents who truly wanted to have a child miscarry and then die in hospitals that were too afraid to treat them. We've seen mothers who are already parents forced to carry a child they simply cannot afford. Rape victims have been forced to carry their rapist's child. It may sound like I'm using scare tactics or speaking of a dystopian idea, but these are true facts and stories that have been widely reported on.

As for myself, we are currently looking at ways to get out of Florida, in large part due to its abortion ban. We’d like to expand our family, and the current laws have made me genuinely scared for my health and safety during a pregnancy.

Pregnancy and motherhood are both incredibly difficult and highly personal decisions — definitely the two hardest things I’ve ever done. And having experienced both, my thoughts on the matter have never been clearer: These are both choices that should be left to each individual person’s decision.

What you can do to help

If you are looking to help, there are organizations to donate to and ways to get involved. If you feel strongly that things must change, Run for Something will give you the resources to get started. Organizing, peacefully protesting, calling your government officials, and starting statewide amendment petitions are all also great ways to get involved.

You can also donate to:

Morgan Flaherty is a contributing writer for Scary Mommy, where she has covered lifestyle pieces about topics such as beauty, travel, and parenting. When she’s not writing, Morgan is probably playing with new skincare and makeup, listening to a true crime podcast, or lamenting about how her baby daughter is growing up too fast.