Think About This Before Shaming A Mom Looking At Her Phone
“We shame women for being at dance practice on their phone... but we don’t shame men for not even being there at all.”
I have a very clear memory of going to the playground with my children. They quickly settled in with some other kids and were off to the races. I decided to park myself on a bench — the one that offered an unobstructed view of just about everything — and took out my phone for a bit. Nearby, a grandma scoffed. Not officially at me, but absolutely at me.
“These parents always have their faces buried in their phones,” she said.
My first thought was “Didn’t your generation just, like, send us to the playground by ourselves and tell us not to come home until dinner?” and then my second thought was “Can we stop judging moms, please?”
Recently, TikTok creator Paige (@sheisapaigeturner) who has a habit of brilliantly encapsulating how sexism hurts mothers in particular, summarized why we need to stop shaming women for being on their phones.
“I see this narrative all the time,” she beings. “Women are constantly being told to get off their phones when they’re at their kids' things, and how they need to be more present with their children when they’re at the playground or at their dance practice.”
She admits that seeing a comment like this online recently struck a particular nerve because it just so happened to coincide with her taking her child to her weekly dance class.
“The lobby is full of moms,” she continues. “There’s maybe one or two dads, but it is mostly moms. And while we are there waiting for our daughters while they’re all doing their dance lessons, what are we doing? We’re typically working.”
“Most of us bring our laptops, we’re on our cell phones, we are working. Because women? We are expected to do it all, right? ... You have to be the one with a flexible job so you can take them to those activities. ... Women are expected to do it all and then we’re accused of not being present enough at the dance lessons. But of course we’re not present: we’re doing too much! We’re doing too many things!
“And the funny thing is we shame women for being at dance practice but being on their phone and not paying attention,” she observes, “but we don’t shame men for not even being there at all.”
Tired moms in the comments were here for this necessary message.
“‘Were your parents on your phone,’” one comment reads. “No, my mom dropped me off and picked me up later.”
“I use the time my kids are playing happily at the park to answer emails, make appointments, catch up with friends,” says another. “Or maybe, god forbid, scroll a little. Read an ebook. Oh no! Can’t have mom relaxing.”
“My husband gets praised for being so present at activities,” muses a third. “Uhhhh he is 1000% listening to a bourbon reviewing podcast with a small earbud. He is not more present than me.”
And lots and lots of people shared some version of...
“Why would you want to watch the entire soccer practice?”
Amen. Also I can confirm that you get judged for this one. Fortunately IDGAF; I already have too much on my plate to take on the weight of your sexist expectations.
