Gentleman Hack Unlocked: Have Your Son Plan "Dates" With You
Teenage boys aren’t well known for their thoughtfulness or sensitivity... but we can change that.
From the time my two kids were little, I’ve always tried to prioritize one on one time with them. As one of four siblings, I know how much I loved the times when I got a parent all to myself and I want my children to have that space as well. But whereas these special outings have gotten easier with my youngest (who wants to go to the mall or go hiking, things I also love) it’s been a little bit challenging with my 13 year old son. A lot of my suggestions get a polite “no thanks.”
But TikTok creator Melissa Ann Marie (@melissaannmariee) has an idea that I just might be stealing...
“Once a month, [my son] gets to take his momma out on a date,” she explains. “He is 13 and it’s really good practice for him in how he can take out future women on dates, especially as he’s getting closer to that age.”
She explains that she usually gives him $50, but beyond that he plans everything, from figuring out the activity to making reservations to holding the doors and paying the bill. Melissa explains that this is to give him practice in being creative, resourceful, and thoughtful.
“And along the way,” she continues, “I’m teaching him manners and respect, and it’s a really good way to just spend some time with my son while teaching him a really good, valuable life lesson.”
I’m not going to lie: I don’t love framing this as a “date” or “for dating,” but I really love the idea of teaching teenage boys to take initiative in nurturing connections with other people.
Spend any amount of time on social media and you’ll find no dearth of women complaining that men — husbands, boyfriends, friends, fathers, and co-workers — are all too happy to just expect that women will take care of the things they don’t feel like thinking about. It seems to me that getting young men to understand what goes into planning something for another person can help them develop a better appreciation of invisible labor and being proactive.
Fortunately, Melissa’s son totally crushed this outing, choosing to visit a cat café. The boy chose the café because “it supports a good cause... the money’s going to the kittens and cats.” He and Melissa love cats. He also liked that it was a simple activity to plan and enjoy. Admission, which included a drink, was $25 per person, so he came in right on budget... that is until they decided to go to the beach and get tacos afterwards. (Mom covered that bill, but he was the one to pay it, just for the practice.)
Cats? Beautiful ocean views? Delicious, reasonably priced tacos?! Honestly, it would be a 10/10 date and also a 10/10 hangout session with pretty much anyone.
