A Mom Wonders If Others Find Parenting "Deeply Unsatisfying"
“I love being a mom and I love my kids dearly, but 90% of my role as a mom is not satisfying.”
Everyone knows that parenting can be hard and everyone knows parenting can be rewarding. But is it satisfying? One mom on TikTok said what some parents might be thinking: when it comes down to it, the day-to-day grind of parenting just doesn’t feel great.
Celeste Yvonne, a Tiktoker and mom, shared her thoughts this week — and her refreshingly honest take did not go unappreciated.
“Okay, here's my hot take, so don't come at me. But for the most part motherhood is deeply unsatisfying. And we don't talk about it enough... I love being a mom, and I love my kids dearly, but 90% of my role as mother is not satisfying,” she began.
“It is the nitty gritty. It is getting kids to clean up after messes. It is reminding kids to wash their hands. It is convincing kids to eat the meals I make. I mean, it is a lot of work. So much work and in and of itself, that part is not satisfying,” she explained.
It’s true, trying to convince a toddler to eat anything not shaped like a dinosaur rarely has a satisfying outcome.
Celeste goes on to explain how her fear that her parenting isn’t enough prevents her from feeling fully content — even if it makes her a better mom in the end.
“I do not go to bed most nights feeling satisfied in my role as mother, far from it. If anything, I go to bed with intrusive thoughts worried about their future, feeling like I didn't do a good enough job. And I wouldn't say in any sense that makes me a bad mom. If anything, that makes me a great mom, but it's not a satisfying feeling,” she shared.
Why share these potentially controversial feelings, especially with internet strangers?
“I'm saying this out loud because I don't think we talked about it enough,” she explained. “For a long time, I felt like I was doing it wrong because I saw other people, other moms on social media beaming and glowing about the milestones talking about how satisfying this role is, and wondering if I was doing it wrong, and the truth is we just don't talk about the unsatisfying parts. And I think we should.”
Down in the comments, many parents agreed, and expressed appreciation for Celeste’s honesty.
“The most underappreciated, mentally and physically draining, thankless job. Please keep speaking up. There’s a community,” said CONES.
“The most taboo topic & we are ridiculed by outsiders who cannot understand. It is the hardest & most unfulfilling job. I’m crippled with anxiety over the future for them,” said allisyncairoli.
“Moms need to talk about this more — I love my kids more than anything — but I do not enjoy being a mom,” said Miss Di.
But other parents disagreed.
“I’m a single dad with full custody. It is the most thoroughly rewarding thing I have ever done and continue to do in my 43 years,” said Joe.
“But now that mine is a year away from college, I’d take back those hectic younger years in a second. I honestly wasn’t sure if I wanted kids, mom at 33, but to me, it has been the most satisfying role,” said TipsyLaBelle.
In a follow up video, Celeste addressed the impact social media, particularly parenting influencers like Ballerina Farm’s Hannah Neeleman, can have on parents’ feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction.
“I want to talk about the impact of Ballerina Farm on people like me, mothers in the trenches... I see a mom making food from scratch with kids in the background, helping in harmony. I see kids willingly do their chores. I see kids eating the food that Hannah just spent hours making without putting up a fight. I see all these things, whether or not they're true, which doesn't matter, frankly. And I think to myself, I must be doing something wrong,” she confessed.
Comparing your life to the curated feeds of influencers is no easy feat, especially when it comes to parenting. Celeste explained that she hoped her TikTok would jump start more open conversations about the struggles of parenting, rather than just showcasing picture-perfect moments.
“I'm not here to bash Ballerina Farm. I hope Hannah does whatever brings her joy. My point is, I want to talk about the other side of motherhood, start talking about the reality where most of us do go to bed feeling like a shell of a mom, a shell of a person, and it's not because we're bad moms or that we're doing it wrong. It's because motherhood is really freaking hard, because we are so invested in all of it.”
