Mom Seeks Advice After Her Husband Continues To Initiate Sex In Front Of Her Kids

A mom reached out to the Parenting Subreddit thread seeking advice on how to deal with an uncomfortable intimacy dynamic between herself and her husband. Reddit user, Accomplished-Sky8687, notes that she has two kids under 6, they are home with their kids often, and both children sleep in bed with their parents.

She explains that her husband feels “frustration” that he cannot initiate sex due to the kids always being around, so he’s tried other options — options that make her feel uneasy.

“... multiple times he has tried to initiate sex while they are sleeping with us or under a blanket while we are all watching a movie. It bothers me very much and in the moment I tell him to stop while the kids around. It gives me the hugest ick and I don’t think he understands which to me is common sense?” she wrote, before noting that there are other ways to lay the foundation for intimacy in the future without being totally inappropriate.

“How do I get him to understand how gross this is. It’s definitely one of the things that crosses my boundaries and makes me want to leave. It’d be different if it was like him giving me hugs, holding my hand, or just a kiss but it’s walking around slapping my ass, pretending to bite my ass and trying stuff under the blankets.”

Several Reddit users urged the OP to have open communication with her husband.

“Maybe wait until the kids aren’t around and flat out ask him why he thinks that’s appropriate,” one user said.

“Don’t even ask, just tell him to stop because it makes you uncomfortable,” another said.

One user wrote, “Hello, former third grade teacher here! I had a student whose parents had sex with her in the bed thinking she was asleep. Guess who wasn’t asleep and was very, very confused? Yup, an eight year old. That was quite the conversation with her and then later with her mom.

“Your husband needs to hear what you told us,” another wrote. “You think it’s gross. It’s inappropriate. You want him to show other forms of affection when the kids are around. Then talk with him about solutions. How can you find time alone together?”

One user asked for some clarification, writing, “If he’s legit trying to initiate sex that’s disgusting and wrong. Flirting that kids won’t notice or grabbing a thigh under a blanket is a little different. It’s definitely a spectrum, but if it makes you uncomfortable and feels like it’s crossing a line that’s what matters.”

The OP updated her post, writing, “Clarifying the situation for some of the commenters. Yes it is genitalia related, he is just as responsible as I am for allowing them to sleep with us and justifies it by comparing it to friends of his doing the same.”

“My 5 yo is autistic with separation anxiety so yes we are working on getting them out while still being careful of his mental health and emotions, I don’t mind if he smacks my ass but biting it is something he knows I don’t like, when we do have sex it is great and I want him to initiate and I initiate myself but when he does things like what I stated above it makes me not want to at all.”

Sounds like the OP needs to course-correct a few things including setting firm boundaries with her husband and working on getting their kids to sleep in their own beds.

Read the entire Reddit thread here.