A Woman Has Her Baby Name All Picked Out — But Her Stepmother Is Saying No
People in the comments are split about what to do.
For some parents-to-be, finding just the right baby name can be a challenge. For others it’s easy: certain names just come to them as if by divine inspiration. The first time my husband suggested what ultimately became our daughter’s name, I knew that was the one. Redditor u/PollutionWild4637 (we’ll call her Wild) had a similar experience when she found out she was expecting but, as with plenty of parenting-related issues, things got complicated when other people offered their opinions...
Wild and her husband are thrilled to be expecting. For months they already knew what they wanted to name their little one if it’s a girl: Olivia, but Lia for short.
So when she found herself on a business trip in the country where her father and stepmother live, she was excited to share the good news.
“They were both very happy to hear our news and the past few days we have been chatting about all sorts of plans for the future when baby arrives,” she wrote. “The last night of my trip, my stepmom shared that a few months ago she had heard me and my husband discussing baby names ... [and] told me that as Lia is her middle name, she would not be comfortable with the baby having ‘her’ name and therefore requested we don’t use it.”
“I was taken aback by this request and asked her to explain a little bit more, and she just repeated that this name belonged to her, her family used it, it was a special name, and that she would not be able to call our baby by that name if we chose it,” Wild recalled.
Needless to say, even though Wild and her husband don’t know their baby's gender yet, she is “devastated” by this drama. She points out that her stepmother has been with her father 10 years — after Wild graduated high school — and that neither she nor her father refer to her as “Lia.”
“It honestly only occurred to me weeks after we had settled on the name that it was also my stepmom’s middle name, and I thought it nothing more than a coincidence,” she says.
Wild says she is inclined to decline her stepmother’s request. Nevertheless, “Lia” feels a little tainted.
“I feel like the choice of name is ruined now for us either way,” she laments. “If we don’t use it to please her, I may feel resentful for making the concession and if we do use it, I’ll feel like my stepmom will take it personally.”
And so she puts it to her fellow redditors: “AITA if I tell her that while I appreciate her being honest with me, I can’t promise that we won’t go ahead and use the name we’ve had picked out for a while?”
As far as I’m concerned, this is a hands down “NTA” (Not The Assh*le) but reactions in the comments were pretty mixed.
“No one owns a name,” says one, in what would be a common refrain. “NTA.”
“NAH” (No Assh*les Here) reads a more measured response. “Nobody owns a name. And it’s certainly your right to name your child what you like. But with upwards of 100,000 names to choose from, you seem to be set on one that ... could potentially cause a great deal of bad feelings. Are you so wed to the name that you are willing to deal with the conflict?”
Some were adamant in their stance of “YTA” (You’re The Assh*le.)
“So let me get this right. Your step-mom is called ‘Lia’ by all of her closest family members and you, without discussing this with her, have decided to name your daughter Lia,” one commenter offers. “Now you are ‘devastated’ that she ‘requested’ — your word, not mine — you not use it. IT'S THE NAME HER WHOLE FAMILY CALLS HER AND YOU FIND IT STRANGE THAT SHE ASKED YOU NOT TO USE IT????? And you've known her for 10 years????”
Others were simply baffled that Wild would name her child one thing but use a nickname. More still couldn’t get over the idea that “Lia” would be a nickname for “Olivia.”
Others suggested that Wild’s dad and stepmom could just be among those to call the little one “Olivia” to avoid hard feelings or confusion.
Personally: Team NTA over here. Some of my friends and family call me “James” but I’m not going to stop any of them from picking that name for their kids. Some people might see it as a conflict: I think it’s a great opportunity for connection.
