I Demand We Bring Back 90s Valentine's Day

I got a harsh wake-up call the day that my then-kindergartener brought her box of valentines home from school. I had sent her in with simple construction hearts that she cut herself with safety scissors the night before — and then carefully wrote out the name of each kid. They sure didn’t look professional, but they were made with love.

She came home with a box of what I can only describe as in-depth craft projects: a plastic shovel with a bag of candy tied to it along with the message “I dig you” (written in a parent’s handwriting). Intricate handmade cards that there’s no way a 5-year-old helped with. So many cellophane bags of goodies and small toys that had to have cost a small fortune — and that eventually just ended up in the trash.

And the week before her box of cards was filled with a variety of small-scale art projects and about 40,000 heart-shaped calories, the teacher had sent home a strict list of needs for their in-class party, which contained no sweet items and banned juice boxes. I loved the inclusion of healthy snacks, but the list seemed a bit harsh for a holiday.

At the same time, my other child had brought home a note from school: valentines were not to be addressed to specific students because it took too much time to deliver them. She also had news for me: her friends were getting gifts from their parents on V-Day — like wrapped toys and books.

I couldn’t help but think that Valentine’s Day had gone off the rails — and needed to get back on track.

When I was in elementary school — in the late 80s and early 90s — I remember that Valentine’s Day was one of my favorite in-school holidays. We brought in shoe boxes to decorate together as a class (now this is a homework assignment for my kids, in which you can tell parents have a heavy hand) — covering them in paper hearts, lace, and ribbon. Then in a final, amazing moment, the teacher would write our names in cursive with Elmer’s glue, and we’d sprinkle glitter on top.

Back at home, mom would bring us to the grocery store, where we’d all get to pick out a little cardboard box of small cards — and it was so hard to choose between themes like Alf, Garfield, Poppels, and the California Raisins.

The kids spent a fun night deciding which friends got which cards and then we wrote their names carefully, and spent extra time adding notes to friends or crushes.

The next day, we’d find the classroom completely transformed — or, rather, the teacher had put up some pink crepe paper up along the ceiling and put out a plastic heart-covered table cloth. Was she wearing a red crocheted sweater vest? Yes she was.

Then the festivities would begin, first with finding the right box for each person’s card and then with going through your box of goodies. Back then, you might get one or two conversation hearts taped to a card, or a little heart-shaped eraser. And those little guys would be treasured.

Finally, we’d have a simple classroom party, with just a cookie or two and a juice box and celebrate the day. And yes, I might have been wearing a red corduroy jumper with a ruffled white turtle neck underneath.

Back at home, mom would have our red cellophane wrapped Russell Stovers mini heart boxes waiting for us, and we’d study the included key to the flavors like a war map. The perfect day.

While I recognize that things change and that my memories are probably rose-colored and fueled by nostalgia, I do think we would benefit by taking a step back in time when it comes to Valentine’s Day.

First: let’s stop it with trying to one-up each other when it comes to “cards.” I feel like it’s turned into a crafting arms race, encouraged by social media influencers, and my kid doesn’t need a huge pile of cheap stuff and sugar. Also: parents should have minimal involvement in the production of these cards, if any at all.

Second: let our kids take the lead. What cards do they want to give, and where does their joy come from? Is it from scrawling each of their classmate’s names onto their cards themselves and then delivering them? Then let’s just do that.

Third: Not every holiday should revolve around gifts. It’s just too much. Easter baskets should just contain jelly beans and chocolates, and Valentine’s Day for kids should begin and end with a box of chocolates or an activity.

Also: can we bring back crimped hair while we’re at it?

Sarah Aswell is a Deputy Editor at Scary Mommy and Romper, where she leads the news and trending team, the social media team, and Scary Mommy Book Club. She also regularly contributes humor, essays, and original interviews to the site.