Mario Lopez Is 'Sexy' Colonel Sanders In New Lifetime Movie Because Why Not?

The wheels are coming off this crazy year and it only feels right that Mario Lopez would play a “sexy” Colonel Sanders in a Lifetime movie

The pandemic has brought us some WEIRD entertainment — all I have to say is Tiger King. And now, we have something that manages to be even more of a head-scratcher — and just as delightfully bonkers. You guys, hang on tight; Mario Lopez, aka, Albert Clifford Slater, is starring in a Lifetime mini movie as “sexy” Colonel Sanders. If your jaw just dropped and KFC mashed potatoes and gravy dribbled out, you’re not alone. I am shooketh.

The trailer just hit today and we have so many questions but first, behold: the spiciest Colonel Sanders the world has ever seen in the very appropriately-titled sure-to-be-a-hit Recipe for Seduction.

Yes it’s real, and it’s spectacular. The mini movie runs 15 minutes and really, that’s all it needs to thrill us to our very core. The plot follows an heiress who is stuck dealing with a boyfriend her mother has pushed her toward when along comes chef Harland Sanders with his “secret fried chicken recipe and a dream.”

KFC even tweeted about it. “Some folks take their secrets to the grave, but Colonel Sanders takes his to the deep fryer,” they write. If someone doesn’t win a Pulitzer for that sentence I want off this ride immediately.

According to a press release, this horny chicken movie is meant to be a delicious escape from the hellish reality we’ve been experiencing in 2020. “We’re no stranger to heating things up for the holidays, just like our famous fried chicken scented Firelog. But let’s face it, we could all use a little distraction this holiday season, so why not fill some of your time at home with a suspenseful drama and the comfort of our world-famous fried chicken?” said Andrea Zahumensky, KFC U.S. CMO. “‘A Recipe for Seduction’ is a perfect excuse to curl up at home and escape to your own happily ever after.”

Escape indeed. Nothing says “I simply can’t anymore” like watching an 11 herbs and spices-tinged tale of love and deception while eating chicken coated in those very spices. Please sign me up immediately and might I mention, it’s premiering on my birthday and it feels like AC Slater is throwing my 1993 self a little wink.

It’s been a long year you guys. I’ve basically been making the Chrissy At The Golden Globes face since like, mid-March. I am tired.

If a fried chicken sex god is television content available to me in the year of our Lord 2020, you bet your bippy I’m going to eat that shit up just like the Colonel intended. It’s a gift from the chicken heavens and we must partake.

Blessedly, A Recipe for Seduction will be available to watch after its December 13th premiere throughout the holiday season on mylifetime.com/christmas-movies, all Lifetime apps, and video-on-demand (VOD) platforms. Finally: the ending 2020 deserves.