To The Dude With The ‘No Fat Chicks’ Sticker On His Truck

I was scrolling through Facebook the other day when I came across a picture of some middle-aged Homer Simpson-like asshat with a “no fact chicks” sticker on his beat-up 1980-something Chevy pickup.

The picture was posted by a woman who had this to say about it:

“Spotted this winner in St. Johns today…the white decal in the bottom right is a “No Fat Chicks” decal. That’s right, a middle-aged man in a shitty pick up truck is so self confident that he felt it necessary to broadcast to the world his feelings on fat women. I’m sure before the sticker, he was just overwhelmed by plus sized suitors vying for his affections.”

Okay, dumb-ass sticker guy. Let’s chat.

What were you thinking? That you’d put this sticker on your truck and suddenly a flood of slender women would rush into the cab of your dusty, fart-scented pickup because they finally found a place where they can be accepted? Come on, man.

You were driving alone for a reason.

I can already hear you saying, “Chill out, dude. It was a joke.” And while I am thrilled to know that a sticker broadcasting “no fact chicks” is funny to you, I don’t think it’s funny at all. I think it’s sad that you find something like that funny, actually. Because here are the facts, from one man to another. From someone who has been married for over a decade to a wonderful woman. From a man who was abandoned by his father, and raised in part by his mother, and his grandmother, and is now the father of two smart, charming, and wonderful little girls. There is so much more to a woman than her body. And the fact that you can’t look at the women who have brought significance to your life and see that proves to me that you are about as self-aware as a pile of shit.

The fact that you, at some point, saw that sticker, exchanged money for it, and then proudly placed it on your vehicle says a lot about who you are as a person, inside and out. It says more than any person, woman or man, can possibly say by the size of their body. It makes me look at you and feel sad because you can’t seem to understand that a woman, or anyone for that matter, should be not be summed up and banned based on the size of their body.

But here’s the craziest part: If you seriously don’t want fat chicks around you, cool, because you probably accomplished it — along with all other women in the world. Because while you think this is funny, what you are doing is broadcasting a dangerous stereotype, while isolating yourself to only communicating with a select few other dickheads who think your brand of rude, jackass humor is funny.

Is that really where you want to be in life?

Let me give you some advice. Take a moment and think about all the women who have influenced your life. Think about your mother, grandmother, sisters, cousins, teachers, bosses. Don’t focus on their bodies, but focus on their actions. Think about their contributions to you, your life, and society — because women are the grease, the gears, and the motor of this world. They give life. They care for it. They nurse it. They teach it and love it and never stop, and none of that has to do with the size of their body, and everything with who they are, inside and out.

And once you are done with that little slice of self-reflection, take that sticker off your truck and throw it away.

Or better yet, burn it.

Because you are better than this. All of us are better than this. We have to be if we are going to make this world work.

I don’t want to make a prediction because I can’t see the future. But what I do know is that the moment you start looking at women as the whole package — mind, body, and soul — your chances of having someone special sitting next to you in the pickup will go way, way up. Your life will become much more fulfilling because you will have someone to share it with who will love you for who you are. She will treat you with love and compassion because that’s what women do when they love someone. And you will understand the value of that and return it in kind. It will be wonderful and fulfilling, and someday you will look back on that sticker with an embarrassed, red face because you will realize how wonderful life can be when you look at people for who they are, and not just the size of their body.

You’re welcome.