Masturbating With Your Partner Might Be The Answer To Quick & Exciting Sex
You know what you like, they know what they like, and everyone gets a hot orgasm.
No matter how much you want to have sex with your partner, it can feel like a huge effort. Whether you’ve got kids and jobs and home stuff or you’re just bogged down mentally with a bunch of things running through your brain, sex isn’t always going to sound like the perfect way to end your day (or start your morning). For some couples, getting into the mood is a whole thing. Maybe you want to shower first, shave some areas, switch your brain from making grocery lists and signing homework to sexy time. For others, maybe you want to have good sex (an orgasm for each of you would be just right), but you’re just not feeling being on top or switching positions or doing any of the work to get to those orgasms.
Which is why couple masturbation might be what you need.
It’s exactly what it sounds like: Instead of “traditional” sex or your partner fully getting you off, couple masturbation consists of you and your partner both masturbating, but together. You can lie next to each other, on top of each other, sit together on the couch — whatever is comfortable and feels good works for couple masturbation. Sarah Ruiz, a sex therapist, tells Scary Mommy that this act of love guarantees an orgasm for each partner (if you can typically bring yourself to orgasm via masturbation, that is) and it also brings a whole new level of intimacy that you might not have been expecting.
“There’s something incredibly intimate about masturbating together. Even more intimate, I think, than one person making the other cum and then repeating the process. Your partner gets to see what you enjoy, what you can do to your own body to make yourself orgasm, and that can be a huge turn-on,” Ruiz says.
She also recommends this sex act for those who want to be intimate and orgasm with their partner, but really don’t want to do a lot of the “work” that sex may require. “There’s no position change, you know? There’s no having to gussy yourself up, there’s no trying to force yourself into the mood — it’s just you touching your own body and your partner touching theirs, and then you both get to enjoy an orgasm without feeling like it was a ton of effort.”
When I ask Ruiz if she thinks couple masturbation works as a good segue into sex, she says sure, but that’s not why you should do it. “Do I think people will masturbate and get turned on and just want to have whatever their version of sex is with their partner? Sure. But do I think that’s why you should try this? Absolutely not. Think of it like how masturbating can sometimes just be a way to unwind from your day and make yourself feel good before bed. And how maybe you’d like to have that moment with your partner, but you’re too exhausted for the foreplay and the prep work and the mental gymnastics to make that happen. Why not just have your partner lie next to you and watch?”
Ruiz says if you and your partner want, you can touch each other as you masturbate or even kiss. “Maybe have a partner stroke your nipples as you masturbate, or you can kiss your partner’s neck as they masturbate,” she says. “There are no rules. It’s just meant to be a hot way to unwind.” She also says this might be a great time to break out some toys if they’ve felt too overwhelming to introduce during sex.
In a 2020 study, surveys found that women masturbate about once per week, while men masturbate about three times a week. When you compare that to a 2019 study that found 47% of American couples have sex less than once a week, it’s easy to see how couple masturbation might solve everyone’s problems. It’s quick, it’s exciting, and it’s intimate. What more could a busy couple want?
