Are You Making These Common Mistakes With Your Sex Toys?
Read that user’s manual, cover to cover.
There are so many kinds of sex toys out in the world today, from humble, quiet vibrators to literal dragon-inspired dildos. And with every variation, there are special considerations you need to keep in mind, from what kind of lube is safe to use with them to how often you should actually involve them in your sex life. We cleared up these common sex toy mistakes, along with four others, with an intimacy expert.
What harm can come from misusing a toy, right? Actually, if you’re not using sex toys correctly, you could wind up just frustrating yourself or even doing yourself some bodily harm in extreme cases. Toys are supposed to enhance your sex life, not add another barrier between you and a gratifying experience. “Sex toys can open up a whole new world of pleasure, but only if they’re used safely and mindfully,” says Anita, a sex and relationship expert and spokesperson for adult toy brand Fantasy Co. “Misusing them can lead to negative experiences that can damage both your body and your emotional connection with yourself or a partner.”
Here are the six most common mistakes you can make with your toys, and what to do instead.
1. Throwing away the instruction booklet without reading it
We’re talking about a device you’re going to use on or in your body and maybe your partner’s too. You need to read the instruction booklet to ensure you know how to use the toy and all its features before using it for the first time.
“The excitement of opening the box and wanting to use the toy right away is understandable, but using a sex toy improperly can lead to physical injuries like abrasions or overstimulation,” Anita says. “This can both cause discomfort and also make people hesitant to try again, which limits their sexual exploration.”
2. Not cleaning toys properly
That handy dandy user’s manual will tell you what materials comprise your toy and what types of cleaning and sanitizing methods are safe to use with it. You should clean them after each use to ensure a sanitary sexual experience and reduce the risk of things like bacterial vaginosis or UTIs. It’s especially important to clean them well if you have more than one sexual partner.
“Unclean toys can harbor bacteria, leading to infections, irritation, and unwanted smells,” says Anita. “This can cause problems with your physical health and also lead to trust issues in a relationship.”
3. Using the wrong lubricant
Not all lubricants are compatible with all toys, and using the wrong one can degrade the toy over time. Be sure to check your user’s manual for guidance on matching it with the appropriate lube.
“Silicone lube with silicone toys or oil-based lubes with certain condoms can cause degradation,” Anita explains. “This means that you may end up permanently damaging your toys and have to spend a lot of money on replacements.”
4. Sticking with the wrong toy if it’s not working for you
You shouldn’t buy toys just because they’re trending or keep popping up in your Instagram ads. Really think about your preferences and read the reviews before investing in a toy, and don’t hesitate to change it up if what you picked isn’t doing it for you. Kind of like shoes, some brands just work for certain people’s anatomy and don’t for others.’ It might take a few tries to find your brands.
“A toy that doesn’t align with your preferences or anatomy can be uncomfortable or ineffective,” Anita says. “This can lead to frustration and a mindset that sex toys might not be for you, which isn’t true. There are so many toys out there to choose from if you know where to look.”
5. Overusing toys without a break
If you use a toy constantly, you can become desensitized to it. For example, using an intense vibrator every time you have sex might make it harder to orgasm with just your hands. Give yourself opportunities to reset, or take a little hiatus if you notice yourself relying on a specific toy too much.
“Overuse can make it harder to experience pleasure during regular intimacy,” Anita warns. “This can affect self-esteem and connection with your partner.”
6. Failing to communicate with a partner about toy use
Don’t just whip out a dragon dildo mid-make-out without talking about it first, OK? Poor communication about your preferences and fantasies can create tension and misunderstandings, Anita says.
“Nobody wants to feel like the third party in an intimate experience, so making sure your partner feels like an active participant when using toys is an important part of building trust for the long run. Focusing on communication and care means you can use them to create deeper connections and more fulfilling experiences.”
Whatever toys do it for you, just be sure you’re taking good of them — and therefore yourself — to maximize your pleasure.
