Kelly Stafford Is The Friend We All Need

When I get on the phone with Kelly Stafford, host of the extremely relatable podcast The Morning After with Hank and wife of NFL quarterback Matthew Stafford, we are both a little harried. My kids had just finished having random half-days in the middle of the week, and all four of Kelly’s girls were home for a half-day. “I don’t really get it, but here we are, you know? Oh well,” she says, and I instantly feel bonded to her. We don’t get it. We’re all a little exhausted by an ever-changing school schedule. We’re all trying to do our best.

Whether you listen to her podcast or follow her on Instagram, you get a vibe from Kelly that she has curated pretty effortlessly — she feels like one of us. She is opinionated and funny and calls out her own mistakes. She loves her family fiercely and still fully embraces her own life — there is no “mom era” here or “finding yourself again after baby.” She’s just Kelly. And she feels like she’s your friend.

When I chat with Kelly, I’m chatting with her as both a football fan and a fan of her podcast. I am a person who rooted for the Los Angeles Rams in Super Bowl 56 because of Kelly — and I guess her husband Matthew, too. I know her husband’s name and his skills and his UGA legacy because I am married to a man whose heart is in the shape of a football; but I feel like I know Matthew and Kelly — and their four girls Chandler and Sawyer (age 7), Hunter (age 6), and Tyler (age 4) — through her podcast. I tell her this when we chat, that I often say to my husband, “Oh Kelly said something funny today” and he just knows I mean Kelly Stafford.

Scary Mommy: I actually have three girls, so all your content about girls really resonates with me.

Kelly Stafford: How old are your girls?

SM: I have a 10-year-old, a 6-year-old, and then my baby will be 3 soon.

KS: Oh my goodness. Well, I'll take any advice from you because a 10-year-old — obviously mine are behind that one.

SM: Honestly, 10 is really, really great and everyone made me so scared for the tween years and so far they have been such a joy.

KS: OK, good. That’s good to know.

SM: I’ve been listening to your podcast for a long time. And I feel like a lot of the stories you and Hank share are such normal parenting stuff to talk about, but in a way that doesn't feel shamey or judgey or anything like that.

KS: It was kind of the point of me starting the podcast because I felt like you couldn't fail as a mom anymore. I just felt like a failure every time I turned to social media and just saw these moms doing the most and best for their kids and me sitting there going, "Well, I haven't done any of that." So I finally was like, "This is not real," and I feel like talking about it would be important for me and hopefully for anyone who might be listening.

I feel like if you make a mistake as a parent, or if you show your kid not buckled in a car seat, or you literally get — you just get crushed. There's no room. And obviously we need to make sure we're buckling our kids in, but at the same time, we're all just trying to make it through right now and we're going to make mistakes along the way.

SM: Yeah the social media pressure is insane. My 10-year-old is the only one of her friends that doesn’t have a phone.

KS: Honestly, I think that's really impressive because I do think it's tough to not give in when everyone around you and whatnot have those phones, but I'm really hoping that people like you will exist more. And so then it's more normal for kids not to have phones so early on in life. Matt and I are going to try to stick it out through about 16. And I know that's probably not going to work, but that's our goal. When you start driving, you can have a flip phone.

It's important for me to protect that mental health because, honestly, I have felt it. And people probably think I am a pretty confident person and have a beautiful life and things like that, but I seriously struggle with insecurities. And insecurities not only in just being a mom and being the best wife, but also insecurities in what I might look like and things like that. And I just could only imagine being young and going through your awkward years and having a phone where you're seeing all these beautiful people and not understanding that most of these people are — and we know it — putting their best stuff out there. I still can't get past it. I still struggle with it. And having four girls, I mean, you have girls. That's one of my biggest fears moving forward.

SM: It’s not an easy time raising kids right now, but especially girls. Do you guys feel that pressure with your four?

KS: I mean, all the time. I feel like girls are so much more body aware. I had no body awareness until I think I was in college. I played sports, I was busy, my body was my body, it was there. But I had one of my kids just say the word skinny the other day and it kind of made me stand still for a second. And she was just talking. I don't know what she was talking about. I think she was talking about somebody, but I was like ... I don't know. Even those words are kind of triggering for parents of girls.

Matthew and I always just say you want to support your heart and your organs on the inside. It doesn't matter on the outside, but you want to make sure those insides are healthy. But I feel like sometimes even my older girls are like, "Yeah, so if you eat healthier, you're thinner." And I was like, "No." It's hard because they hear this stuff already and I'm like, "That is not the case." But again, it's just being a parent these days and trying to do what's best for your kid, but also realize that there is a whole world out there that is going to constantly tell them they are too fat, too skinny, too tall, too dumb — you always want to encourage at home, but it's tough.

SM: It’s just hard to have kids. And these days, I feel like it’s even harder to just let them be kids. Like older generations will argue kids spend too much time indoors or whatever, but I can’t just throw them outside without me there to supervise.

KS: Again, everything’s a balance — even independence and creating a culture where they can be independent, but also keeping them safe because you're right. How they raised us would not work today. I mean, we would probably have CPS call us in a heartbeat if we raised kids the way our parents raised us. But it was such a great way to grow up. You really learn to problem solve — back in the day, you had to learn. If you got in a fight with a friend, you had to learn how to deal with it. Or if you did something wrong at a neighbor's house, you have to learn how to say sorry, things like that.

SM: I do love your girls’ names so much. Were there any other baby names you loved and didn’t use?

KS: I loved Bentley for a girl. Honestly all of our names except for Sawyer are family names, and they were all boy names. I had Cooper for a boy, but after playing with Cooper Kupp, I feel like that would be weird.

SM: Did you see the recent report card from the NFL Players Association about the best and worst franchises for families? How has it been being in the NFL for your family?

KS: I have seen it. I think every big business could probably do better with families, but I've been really lucky. Lions were fantastic and so were the Rams. And I'll say one thing — I feel like people forget this and I would hope that the organizations who weren't graded great understand this, but when they pull these guys and they put them on their teams, most of them are not from the area. And you're taking wives and kids and girlfriends, whatever it might be, and you're putting them in an area that they don't know at all with no family, no friends. And if there's not a sense of community within the team, you can get lost really quickly as a significant other and your kids.

And I think when you don't feel like you're supported in the community, whatever it is, you feel lonely. And loneliness turns to misery. When these guys are coming home and their wives and their families don't have a community, then they're coming home to, not a miserable wife and kids, but a not as happy wife and kids that feel like they belong and were supported and have friends and whatnot. So I have been truly lucky that the two organizations that I have been with have been fantastic in that. We have felt supported in both areas. We have friends on the teams in both places, but I have heard of organizations that aren't great, and these wives feel like they just don't really have a place.

And it's hard for these women to get careers because they're moving constantly or they have kids and they're trying to figure out their kids in a new place. Obviously an NFL career is a huge blessing, but I think it does make a huge difference when families feel a part of the organization than when they don't. Even for the men involved — it's nice to come home to a woman and kids who feel grounded and supportive and loved and part of it and all those things.

SM: Do people ever tell you things like “Poor Matthew” about having four girls?

KS: All the time. All the time. Or they'll be like, "You couldn't give him a boy?" And I'm like, I'm sorry, first of all, the man decides the sex, so it's not on me. And second of all, my husband did not want any boys, and I love him so much for that. He's got a good head on his shoulders when it comes to certain things. And looking at it now, we needed to be girl parents. We talk about the pressures that are put on girls, but with a boy, I think the pressures from everyone around him to be like his dad would’ve been hard. Or if he wasn't like his dad, I would hate for him to feel any type of failure. And Matthew knew that from the get-go that he didn't want that, so he just knew if he had girls, they could be anything they wanted to be and there would be no pressure. So yeah, when people say that, I just look at him and I'm like, well, not my fault, one. And two, actually he didn't want boys, so we're good.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.