Vibe Check: Where Are Married Couples Sleeping?

Once you hit a certain age, the subject of sleeping gets a lot of play. Window open or fan on or both? Top sheet or no top sheet? Comforter or duvet? Snuggle with your partner or leave as much space as humanly possible? TikTok user Maggie Laterza (@maggielaterza_realtormom) has another logistical question to add to the discussion and debate: “How many of y’all are sleeping with your spouses?

“Like, in the same bed,” she continues. “Because I have a very small circle of friends and more than half of them do not share a bedroom with their spouse. These are varying stages of marriages: good, bad, been married a short time, been married a long time, but most do not sleep in the same bed as their spouse. ... As a realtor, I’m curious if this is a trend, and if so I think there has to be two master bedrooms with a Jack and Jill master bath.”

Comments were divided as to whether people slept together, didn’t sleep together, or wanted to sleep separately but didn’t have that option because, let’s be honest, this is only an option for couples in a very particular socio-economic strata.

“I literally couldn't imagine being in my home and my husband not being in my bed with me,” reads one popular comment, with nearly 6,000 likes as of press time.

“Together 14 years. Sleep in separate rooms,” counters another. “I cannot handle his snoring and I’m much nicer when I get decent sleep.”

“Not sleeping in the same bed sounds diabolical!! I could never,” says a third.

“We have are own bedrooms. Different work hours,” offers another. “On the weekends we have sleepovers. Best decision ever! We are very happy!”

Like many topics related to sleep, people don’t seem to have wishy-washy opinions on this one. Those who sleep separately loooove sleeping separately. Those who sleep together can’t seem to imagine not doing so. The comments were fairly evenly split so the question remains: is this a trend?

Again, we must reiterate that a lot of people don’t have this option. My house, for example, has two kids, two adults, and three bedrooms, so my husband and I have to share. (Fortunately, we’re Team Same Bed so it works out.) But for those with, let’s call it “Wiggle Room,” it does seem that a growing number are heeding the siren call of separate sleeping. According to a 2023 survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 35% of Americans sleep in separate rooms occasionally or consistently and Millennial couples are leading the way with almost half, 43%, opting for separate sleeping arrangements. In an article published last year, The Week dubbed this phenomenon “sleep divorce.”

But is this arrangement a good idea? As with many things, it depends. Reporting from the CBC highlights a variety of studies, some of which find that sleeping together has important benefits for couples while others found that, actually, sleeping separately might be the key to a happy marriage.

I believe the technical term for this is “You do you, boo.”