Lady Gaga Recounts Sexual Assault At Age 19 In Emotional Interview

Lady Gaga opens up to Oprah Winfrey about being raped by a producer at only 19 years old

Today marks the launch day of Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry‘s new Apple TV+ docuseries The Me You Can’t See; and to kick off the series, they brought on Lady Gaga as their first guest, who spoke emotionally about being raped when she was 19 years.

“I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off,’ ” she revealed through tears. “And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all of my music. And they didn’t stop. They didn’t stop asking me, and I just froze and I just — I don’t even remember.”

In The Me You Can’t See, Prince Harry and Oprah team up to guide open, honest discussions about mental health. And in the first episode titled “Say It Out Loud,” Lady Gaga not only opened up about how she got pregnant after she was raped, but she also explained how her past trauma helped shaped the strong, outspoken women she is today — but not before she endured years of pain.

“First I felt full-on pain, then I went numb,” Gaga revealed. “And then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after, and I realized that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on a corner at my parents’ house because I was vomiting and sick. Because I’d been being abused. I was locked away in a studio for months.”

Lady Gaga did not name her abuser in the interview because she does “not ever want to face that person again.”

“For a couple years, I was not the same girl,” she said. “The way that I feel when I feel pain was how I felt after I was raped. I’ve had so many MRIs and scans where they don’t find nothing. But your body remembers. I couldn’t feel anything, I disassociated. It’s like your brain goes offline.”

Gaga continued to say that it felt like she had a black cloud following her everywhere she went, telling her she’s “worthless” and that she “should die.”

“I used to scream and throw myself against the wall,” Gaga said, adding that she had a total psychotic break.

“I was not the same girl,” she said. And it was during this time, around 2018-19, that she not only canceled a string of concert dates on her Joanne world tour, but she also won an Oscar.

“Nobody knew,” Gaga said.

“You know why it’s not good to cut? You know why it’s not good to throw yourself against the wall? You know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse,” she continued. “You think you’re gonna feel better ’cause you’re showing somebody, ‘Hey, look, I’m in pain.’ It doesn’t help. I always tell people, ‘Tell somebody, don’t show somebody.'”

Now, by opening up and sharing her story, it’s Gaga’s way of healing.

“[I’m] trying to make sure I give back with that experience, instead of, I don’t know, locking it away and faking it,” she said.

“Even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad. And when I say feel bad, I mean want to cut, think about dying, wondering if I’m ever gonna do it.”

The Me You Can’t See is currently streaming on Apple TV+.

If you are a victim of sexual assault, please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit rainn.org for more help and resources.