You Can Now Buy Your Dog Snarky Name Tags

These dog collars are hilarious, relatable, and very snarky

You can buy the standard dog collar for your pup, and keep living life on the straight and narrow. Or, you can head straight into the fast lane and pick up a line of hilarious collars that will make you the edgiest pet owner at whatever neighborhood park you frequent.

Related: 100+ Popular Girl Dog Names That Will Keep Her Tail Wagging For Years To Come

Each collar can be purchased in seven eye-catching colors, comes with attachment rings, and offers space on the back for four lines of writing with 15 characters per line. Warning: these are truly only reserved for the sassiest of dogs.

First up, we’ve got the most relatable of options. It reads: “Oh shit I’m lost please call my mom she is ugly crying…really ugly crying.” Funny, to the point, and will probably make whoever found your lost pup realize the true urgency of the situation.

But, seriously, the ugly crying won’t stop until you return the damn dog.

Next, we’ve got a slightly ~raunchier~ collar. Was your dog in fact “prowling for bitches” when he/she got lost? Honestly, hopefully yes. It makes the heartache a whole lot bearable if that’s the case. This accessory should only be attached to a dog with an inflated ego and zero f*cks to give.

If your pet is a little less showy and a little more thoughtful, you can go with the more philosophical of dog collars. No crying, no sassiness, just a little bit of wisdom carefully folded into a subtle plea to GET ME BACK TO MY OWNER.

Maybe you don’t want to put any warnings on that dog collar. Maybe you just want it to be a whimsical statement piece. If that’s the case, I’d like to turn your attention immediately to a collar that reads: “Bitches love me!” I mean, it’s not not true, right?

Now, go get your dog his/her own super sassy collar and pray to all the heavens that it’s never actually needed.