The Inside Out Series Has Made Me A Better Parent

I've always been a parent who relies mostly on instinct. When it comes to parenting advice or guides, I'm easily overwhelmed by all the things I should be doing. My oldest daughter was born in 2014, and Instagram wasn't quite the parenting advice hotbed it seems to be now. (I actually was still on The Bump message boards back then.) But as my girl has gotten older, I've felt more anxious than ever before about making sure she grows up happy, safe, and healthy. There are a million things I want to Google or look up, thousands of Instagram accounts I could peruse for ideas on talking to your tween and making sure they feel safe and heard. But instead? I'm relying on the Inside Out series as the only parenting advice I'll ever need.

Inside Out premiered 15 years ago, but the incredibly popular Pixar movie — starring Amy Poehler, Lewis Black, Phyllis Smith, and more — didn't hit our family's home until 2023, when my daughters decided to watch it on a whim via Disney+. The sequel was getting ready to premiere, and Disney was pushing the fan-favorite to the top of their screens. Instantly, all of my kids were hooked... and so was I. Even the Disney+ original series Dream Productions, part of the Inside Out universe, is a must-watch.

But it's not just that the movie is full of parenting goodness, like learning that our children need to be sad and have bad days or that we want our kids to be well-rounded individuals, even if that means sometimes they mess up or do the wrong thing. It's watching the movies with my kids that has made me a better parent. All three of my girls — ages 10, 6, and 2 — love these movies, and I truly believe all of us watching Riley's emotions and hormones unravel together has made us all understand each other on a deeper level.

Because I can feel Riley's emotions, too. I remember being 11 and 13 and all of the hard, sad moments in between. I remember middle school vividly and have told my 10-year-old over and over that it's not middle school itself that's so bad; it's just that the age is really hard. You feel big, but not really. You want to hold onto your childhood, but it's slipping too fast. You want to keep believing in magic, but more and more practical things keep happening that make that difficult. Your body is changing, and your emotions are changing. Your friends are also changing, so sometimes personalities clash. And you so desperately want everyone to like you, but you also just want to be who you are without shame, fear, or worry.

I don't know if I could've explained any of that to my oldest daughter without Inside Out.

The movies have opened my eyes to so many of my own daughters' little nuances. In the first movie, we see the emotions play out in Riley's mind as they notice Mom is sad and do whatever they can to help. In Inside Out 2, Anxiety having a full-on attack at the control panel sent a chill down my spine, knowing what my own girl has gone through in her sweet little brain. Even in the Dream Productions series, watching Riley's dreams help her navigate hard things that she's unsure of how to handle or explain made me throw my hands to my chest. Nobody wants their children to hurt, but watching these movies reminds you that you can't control that. They're going to be sad and angry and scared. But above all, they're going to figure it out. We can trust the process a bit.

It's comforting to think of my girls' emotions inside their brains, keeping each one safe and trying to fix everything she's struggling with. Near the end of the movie, when Riley's sense of self is in jeopardy and a new version of her breaks out — one that echoes phrases through headquarters like "I'm a good friend," "I'm selfish," "I want to fit in," "I want to be myself" — all of her emotions watch in disbelief. Then, suddenly, Joy flings herself around Riley's sense of self, hugging it tight. All the other emotions join her, and it feels like the perfect representation of what we're all trying to do to our kids, especially the ones with growing pains.

We want to protect them. We want to hold them. We want them to be who they are meant to be, even when we know they will be hurt, disappointed, and frustrated. Joy clinging to Riley's sense of self feels like a mother's love. She's done so much to get Riley to this place — to watch so much of it change right before her eyes as new emotions are introduced and to see her learn that Riley's "bad" moments are just as important as her good ones seems like the ultimate parenting metaphor.

The films have opened up conversations about sadness, about anger, about anxiety. My kids have been able to see these emotions play out as real characters, and that helps them understand exactly what's going on inside their own brains and hearts a bit more.

Much like taking my then-4-year-old to see Toy Story 4 the summer before kindergarten and being hit with an onslaught of emotions as the character Bonnie is nervous about starting kindergarten, I was not prepared for what the Inside Out series has brought me.

I was already pretty in tune with my kids, but watching these movies with them has made it even more so. My 10-year-old thinks Anxiety runs her brain — but now she feels great comfort in her Joy, her Sadness, her Disgust, and all the emotions keeping it in check. My 6-year-old is an enthusiastic, engaging kid, but her favorite character is Sadness, and while it didn't feel right at first, it does now: Sadness encourages us to be brave. And my 2-year-old? She loves Joy. Mostly, I think, because Joy is in charge. But it's never too early for some emotional intelligence.

I'm grateful for the Inside Out series for all the obvious reasons — how it promotes feminism, being yourself, family and friendships, and perseverance. But I'm really grateful for all it's given me as a mom.