Catelynn & Tyler's Closed Adoption Storyline On Teen Mom: The Next Chapter Is Giving Me PTSD

Adoption is messy. And I can 100% say that I don't know if a lot of the world would recognize that if it weren't for Catelynn and Tyler Baltierra sharing their pregnancy and adoption story with the world back in 2009 on Season 1 of 16 & Pregnant. As teenagers, the couple made the heart-wrenching decision to place their newborn daughter, Carly, up for adoption, and we watched it happen. MTV viewers saw Catelynn and Tyler choose the adoptive parents for their daughter while Catelynn was still pregnant, navigate some downright abuse from their substance-abusing parents about their decision, and then we sobbed our eyes out watching Catelynn and Tyler hand over their infant daughter to her new parents.

Everyone was rooting for them. Everyone felt like the parents they chose for their daughter had everyone's best interests at heart. Everyone believed that Catelynn and Tyler would continue to have a relationship with Carly because they — and Carly's parents — would make it so.

But in the latest season of Teen Mom: The Next Chapter, the couple shared that Carly's parents have seemingly closed the once-open adoption.

And I don't blame them one bit.

In Season 2, Episode 17, viewers are given a little recap of some of the strife Catelynn and Tyler's relationship with Carly's parents has been like. From pushing boundaries on sharing photos of Carly to their extremely public profile pages to talking about the adoption — and therefore Carly, a minor child that they do not have legal rights to — they've done a lot to break the trust of Carly's parents. But it felt like, throughout the series, Carly's parents have tried to work with the couple so they can keep this line of communication open for their daughter.

Yet, Catelynn and Tyler have just continued to sh*t all over it.

We learned that not only has Catelynn been sending every-other-week updates of photos and stories to the family (things she admits to not doing in previous years), but we also learned that they were sending gifts, cookies, and personalized blankets to Carly's address in a very "love-bomb" way. For fans of the show, we've heard before that there were times in Carly's life when the couple wasn't really as invested in the relationship, where they admit to not reaching out or sending updates or trying to make visits happen.

But when boundaries were placed on them, including Carly's parents blocking the couple's numbers, suddenly they have to put in the effort and they have to show Carly how much they love her and they have to make sure she knows they are there.

It's giving Deadbeat Dad Saving Face energy.

Look, I believe that adoption is bittersweet. That one family's beginning in an adoption scenario also means another family's end — but that doesn't mean that a grieving family or parent has rights to a child. That doesn't mean the adoptive family can't set boundaries to keep their daughter safe... even if those boundaries hurt the biological parents.

It was painful to watch Cate and Tyler talk about how much it hurts to be cut off from Carly. However, hearing their entitlement made my stomach hurt. At one point, Catelynn insists to their adoption counselor Dawn — who has been sort of the mediator between the two families — that if Carly (who is a teenager) is the one who doesn't want anything to do with them, they'd respect it. But they want to know if it's her or her mother. Dawn points out that this is an intense amount of pressure to put on a child, but Catelynn and Tyler still don't seem to get it.

My oldest daughter has an adoption story. When she was 6 years old, she had a panic attack about going to see her biological father for his scheduled visitation. Visitation had been rough since she was born (some weeks she was fine going, others she wasn't), and my ex seemed to insist that he couldn't make any sacrifices or do anything to help mitigate that anxiety. She was just supposed to go to his house, period. He didn't call her during the week, he didn't offer to see her more, he didn't put any work into building a relationship with her — but he expected her at his house every other Friday at 6 p.m. Even if she was sobbing. Even if she begged him not to make her.

When my daughter freaked out about going, he allowed her to skip that visit. And she never went back. During that time, he called off and on, but again, there was no consistent communication. He didn't try to help her feel comfortable or put in the work on his end for his 6-year-old daughter. Soon, even the sporadic calls stopped, and 18 months after she saw him last, my ex signed his rights over to my husband to adopt her and that was that.

The relief I felt was intense. My ex and I did not have a good marriage or relationship, and he was not a safe person — to know that my girl was protected by the law and would never have to deal with him again was overwhelming.

But that Christmas, we received a Christmas card from his mom, addressed to our 6-year-old. It was written with her old last name on it, and it came from a biological grandmother she had not seen or spoken to since she was 2 years old.

I was furious. And devastated. It now felt like he and his family could still do or say whatever they wanted because they clearly felt like my daughter still belonged to them in some way. Not long after that, his mother stole a Facebook picture of mine and cropped my daughter's sisters out so she could post it on her own page as part of a "grandchild appreciation post."

It was sick. It was the kind of deadbeat behavior you see over and over from men who aren't with their children 24/7. They don't want to put in the effort. They don't want to do the work. They don't love their children enough to actually care. They sure like to pretend, though. They want everybody to think they're important and know something still belongs to them, even if they made the decision to give it to someone else.

Watching Catelynn and Tyler argue that they should be allowed to send whatever they want to their minor biological daughter is unnerving. To me, it would be no different than my ex-husband suddenly sending my daughter gifts to our home and expecting her to be overjoyed to receive them and for us — her parents and two sisters — to not find it weird or uncomfortable. Catelynn and Tyler are not Carly's parents anymore. They don't get to decide how or when they communicate with her. They voluntarily signed those rights away, and while we know now how complicated adoption is and that two teenagers deserved more guidance in that situation, the facts still remain.

If Catelynn and Tyler had been as involved from the get-go as they are trying to be now, and if they had listened to Carly's parents and followed their rules and minded their boundaries, I have no doubt they'd still have a relationship with her. Carly's parents have shown us over and over through the series that they were willing to overlook a lot of stuff. They took their daughter to Catelynn and Tyler's wedding and met extended family. They allowed a visitation to take place with Catelynn, Tyler, and Carly's biological grandparents — the same ones who were abusive, berating parents to pregnant teenage Catelynn. They've had recorded, sit-down conversations with them where all they ask is that Carly's face not be shown on national TV.

Instead of honoring that kind of relationship and being grateful, Catelynn and Tyler have honestly become a little scary.

Knowing that my ex still knows our home address, phone numbers, and where our daughter goes to school is deeply upsetting. I hope he knows he made the best decision he could for her and never lets his ego get in the way of that. I hope he's come to peace with the situation and never tries to intervene because he's suddenly upset that he can't talk to her whenever he wants.

But I also know that if he were ever to cross a boundary, all I have to do is call the police. Regardless of him being known by her (like Catelynn and Tyler are known by Carly) or being biologically related to her, my daughter is no longer his. She does not belong to him in any way.

And he doesn't deserve to have her now just because he wants her.