Woman Gives Birth In A Forest Alone, Trumps All Of Our Birth Stories

Everyone likes to believe their birth story is super interesting, but after you hear this story about a woman who gave birth in the woods alone, you may reconsider your position on your own tale.

35-year-old Amber Pangborn went into labor while driving to her parents house last week. She took an unfamiliar shortcut and ended up lost in the woods. She was so deep in the woods that she didn’t have cell service. Then she ran out of gas. She gave birth in her car, alone, the next morning. Talk about a series of unfortunate events. The whole thing started with a trip to the casino:

“Pangborn’s mother, Dianna Williams, told the L.A. Times that her nine-months-pregnant daughter went to a casino on Wednesday to visit a friend and get a respite from the hot temperatures. Pangborn, she said, was also hoping to induce labor.”

The L.A. Times reports that she told the local news station, “I thought we were going to die… there was no cell service, there was no … there was nothing.” Except bees. There were BEES. Pangborn says they were attracted to the placenta. Okay, so we’ve finally found a situation where eating a placenta whole makes sense (she didn’t – just saying). She spent three days fighting off bees, mosquitos, and surviving on water and apples. She then used a lighter and a can of hairspray to start a fire to signal someone and ended up starting a small forest fire.

I thought my emergency c-section was bad. This woman gave birth in a car in the woods and had to start a forest fire for help. The rest of us can shut up now — we’ll never trump this one. She can basically cut off any mom telling a story about her own birth, until the end of time. She wins.

“She is smart and tough,” Pangborn’s mom said. “I’m relieved it turned out all right.”

This is the oddest, most terrifying birth story ever.