10 Things About Pregnancy That Aren't Beautiful

Pregnancy really is a beautiful thing. If you sit there and think about it (in a warm bubble bath with cucumbers over your eyes), it’s amazing what your body is doing! Making human! Truly amazing. But that doesn’t mean everything about it is amazing, especially during that first trimester.

I recently exited the first trimester train, and this was my worst first trimester yet. This “morning” sickness is actually still lingering at week 15.

My pregnancies just seem to get worse each time (in terms of sickness), and it’s so hard to think of the magical joy you’ll soon feel when you’re in the drenches (toilets) of said sickness. If you would have asked me how first trimesters are when I was pregnant with my first child, I would have told you they were easy, blissful and exciting.

Now, with child number three, I’ll tell you what pregnancy feels like.

1. Constantly hungover. You know that awful hangover you felt the other weekend? It’s like that, but you wake up expecting to feel hungover without actually having a sip of alcohol to drink. You wake up every morning knowing you’re going to feel like complete crap all day, but you’re not one to complain.

2. Like you just ate half the buffet at Golden Corral when in reality you only had one taco. There’s this full feeling with half your food sitting somewhere between your throat and stomach. It doesn’t go away until you brush your teeth and it all comes out.

3. You know that rush of watery saliva in your mouth that comes right before you’re about to throw up? Imagine that coming at all times of the day and having no where to spit it out while driving 80 miles per hour on the highway.Holding it in your mouth makes you gag even more, and then I really don’t even know what to tell you because spitting it in a water bottle makes you gag uncontrollably.

4. Smells. Oh, goodness gracias, what is that smell?! You start smelling things you’ve never noticed before like the raw chicken you have in the refrigerator (nobody else can smell it) or the air freshener in someone’s house. I need to change my shirt and everyone else’s shirts after leaving a restaurant. Don’t you dare bring that smell in the car with me! And nobody knows what you’re even talking about.

5. When you have a craving and a milkshake is all you can think about for a good two hours. Then when you finally get the chance to have one, it sounds absolutely awful all of a sudden. Or when you send your husband to get a pizza from a place across town, you want nothing to do with it by the time he gets back. You have to remind him you’re growing his child inside you and it’s not really you that just did that to him.

6. Speaking of eating—being hungry (always) and not knowing what to eat because nothing sounds good. I hate when people say, “Ask the pregnant lady where we should go eat,” because half of the time, everything makes you gag. And you don’t know what you really want until the minute before you eat it.

7. Wanting nothing more than to close your eyes and go to sleep…at 1 p.m. in the afternoon. You could fall sleep mid conversation if you let yourself.

8. Having complete strangers and close friends and family (okay, everyone) tell you about everything you’re doing wrong. “You’re breastfeeding while pregnant?” “Oh, you’re going to eat that Cuban sandwich?” “I don’t want to scare you, but I had a friend whose cousin’s sister died from that!” Please tell me all your horror stories.

9. Never wanting to take a picture again. Trust me, I took a picture this morning and it wasn’t pretty. And everyone was like, “Buzz, your girlfriend…WOOF!”

10. Never wanting to Google anything—ever again. I guarantee that you will come across an anti-vax, anti-everything blog telling you everything you’ve ever done will actually ruin your child for life. Verdict: Google will drive you crazy! Just ask your doctor next time.

So, with that said, I’m sending love and positivity to all my pregnant friends out there. If this is your first pregnancy and you’re feeling pretty good, bless you. If you’re going through what I am, keep a barf bag handy at all times.