Trump Says He's 'Tired Of COVID,' But COVID-19 Missed That Memo

Since 2020 apparently hasn’t been horrifying enough, the White House has just ensured that this year’s dumpster fire will continue to stay well lit by giving up entirely on preventing the spread of the coronavirus. No, this is not a satirical piece for The Onion. This is the honest-to-WTF truth, spoken directly from the mouth hole of President Trump’s chief of staff Mark Meadows.

“We are not going to control the pandemic,” Meadows said to a stunned Jake Tapper on CNN’s Sunday’s airing of “State of the Union”.

Instead, the Trump administration plans to alleviate what happens after somebody already contracts the virus and will continue putting forth half-assed efforts to supply Americans with the elusive vaccine that good old Don has been telling us will be here “soon” for roughly a bajillion months now.

In other words, our president and his team don’t give a flying fuck if you get COVID-19, and they’re going on record now to prove it. And to be quite honest, I don’t think they ever cared in the first place.

While Donald Trump achieved ultimate “Patient Zero” status as he spread his nasty droplets at jam-packed campaign rallies that have become official hot spots for outbreaks, a staggering 272,667+ Americans have died from the coronavirus as of Wednesday evening. We’ve also reached a whopping 8.9 MILLION U.S. cases reported, which is something that seems to be boring the hell out of Donald Trump.

“People are tired of COVID. I have the biggest rallies I’ve ever had, and we have COVID,” our dumb bastard of a president said on a campaign staff call from his cushy room at the Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas. “People are tired of hearing Fauci and all these idiots.”

In case it wasn’t abundantly clear, the “idiots” that Trump is referring to are the medical professionals and scientists who have been holding coronavirus task force meetings that he hasn’t shown up to in months. This is also the same exact man who just tried to dupe senior citizens into believing that Joe Biden was going to steal all of their air conditioners during the hot months of summer if he’s elected president.

“Biden’s plan would mean that America’s seniors have no air conditioning during the summer, no heat during the winter, and no electricity during peak hours,” Trump said. “It’s true. He wants wind. When the wind doesn’t blow, ‘Let’s watch the president on television tonight, darling’…’I’m sorry we can’t, the wind is not blowing tonight.'”

In the words of “Amtrak Joe,” what a bunch of malarkey.

Not only is Donald Trump floating around in a spaceship that’s far away from the land of rational thinking, he’s also enjoying his favorite pastime of flat-out lying whenever the mood strikes. Well, in most cases anyway. As he throws care to the very “wind” he claims Joe Biden wants a monopoly on, I honestly believe that our prez is finally coming clean now to the American public about how he’s always felt about COVID from the beginning. To him, it’s as pesky a nuisance as that fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head at the VP debate.

Except for the fact that, you know, people are dying by the thousands under his delusional watch.

When asked by 60 Minutes’ Lesley Stahl if he takes any responsibility for the shattered state of our nation, Donald Trump said something worth repeating here.

“I’d like not to, but perhaps everybody has to take a little responsibility for it,” Trump tells Stahl. “But when people put out phony witch hunts, when they spy on your campaign, you have to fight back. And if you don’t fight back, you’re not sitting here very long. You go back home. You go back home to mommy.”

Yes, you read that right. Our macho man of a president sees his leadership as the navigation of two extreme polarities — you either yell at people and fault everyone for your own failings or go back home to your mother. Which frankly might be a good idea, considering the fact that a mom would do a far better job at managing our country than Trump ever has. This is a human being who blames every single person around him for every single mistake that he makes, and now, he’s blaming a fucking virus for upending his chances of going down in history as the most amazing, totally awesome, greatest president to have ever walked the face of this earth. And he’s doing it while literally abandoning us all to fend off COVID-19 for ourselves, lying to our faces about “rounding the turn” while his team legitimizes his complete denial of this pandemic.

I hate to throw a wrench in your plans, Donald, but you were only ever going to go down in history as the worst president we’ve ever had. And it’s not only because you epically suck at protecting the American people from the preventable spread of a global pandemic. It’s because you’re also a racist, bigoted, hateful asshole who throws toddler-style tantrums, tweets about “white power” and conspiracy theories, perpetuates deception about how much money you actually have, and reminds us of the creepy ass uncle who drinks too much at the holiday party and is starting to get handsy.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go double check my polling location so I’m prepped and ready to stick my mask on and vote for Joe Biden on Tuesday.