10 Things You'd Find If MY Phone Got Hacked

When I first heard about the celebrity phone hacking scandal, my first question was, do that many people take naked pictures of themselves?

Apparently, they do, and apparently, I’m missing out.

Creepy hackers aside, I’ve had three kids, and I like chocolate a little too much to ever take that type of photo that might be floating in a “cloud” somewhere for eternity. No, thank you.

But the whole thing got me started on thinking about my phone, and worrying about getting hacked. What would they steal? My photos? My identity? What!?

Then I realized I’m a 37-year-old mom to three and nobody cares about hacking into my phone. But if they did, they might find some interesting things:

1. Kid selfies. Self-explanatory really, but why not share some evidence anyway.

2. REAL failed selfie attempts. Like the one where I suddenly surprise myself when I go to camera mode and it’s pointed directly at my double chin nasal shot. Glamorous. Then I hit the button actually taking a picture while trying to turn the camera around. Perfect.

3. Pictures no one can identify. Sometimes, I can figure it out. If I try really hard, I can see that the two year old took a picture of my armpit at some point that I can’t remember, or the kitchen floor, or my hairy leg. No, I will not be posting a picture of that.

4. The should-I-take-this-kid-to-the-emergency-room picture I send to my husband in the middle of the day.

5. The pictures I send to my sister in a dressing room asking something like, “Does my butt look big?” or “Can I really pull off skinny jeans?” or “Does this color make my skin look pasty?” She already knows that she must delete immediately after viewing. But, if you’re lucky, I may have forgotten to delete one or two of those.

6. There are lots of, I-hope-I-never-forget-this-moment pictures.

7. Unread emails from the PTA.

8. Missed calls from people I won’t name.

9. Lists of notes I’ve taken so I can try to remember something simple, like you know, the first day of school.

10. And last but not least, lots of texts between my husband and I. But, they don’t ever include nudity. They look something more like this.

So, hackers, have at it. I’d love to see how you use all of the valuable information I have on my phone. If it’s interesting enough to sell to People, I’ll split the profits with you.

What would they find on YOUR phone?