The Scary Mommy Guide to Calming Your Tits

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Life can be stressful. Life as a mom is often even more stressful. And life as a mom during a global pandemic that keeps the whole family at home and forces you to re-learn fifth grade math and wrestle preschoolers into face masks while also doing all of your normal work and household management is just too much.

Being told to “calm your tits” might feel at first like a condescending directive, but once you get past the, ahem, tit-illating language, the message is an affirmation: moms deserve peace and calm, from our boobs to our brains to our pinky toes. If the past year has taught us anything, it’s that self care needs to be more than just eye creams and YouTube pilates videos (although those can help).

In our most frustrating parenting moments, being able to find a sliver of inner peace is often the thin line that separates our best self from our “losing my everloving sh*t in the grocery store checkout line” self. Which is where cannabis can come into play. Like a soothing meditation mantra, it can soften the edges of those trying moments that every mom experiences.

Here are five ways you can consume cannabis and calm your tits, namaste your nips, de-stress your breasts, or simply soothe your soul in trying times:

Take Some Time for Self-Discovery

When you think of cannabis, you might picture the first time you tried it back in college, huddled with a group of friends around a MacGyvered apple in someone’s smoke-hazed dorm room. But consuming cannabis as an adult has gotten a serious glow-up. Sure, you can still roll one up the old-fashioned way, but you might find you prefer consuming cannabis via edibles, vaping, or even with a tincture, which is basically a cannabis essential oil. With so many ways to rediscover cannabis, we recommend locking yourself in your bedroom with a season of your favorite new show and finding the cannabis consumption method you like best.

Find Your Calm Center in the Bermuda Triangle of Dinner, Pre-Bedtime Chaos, and Lights Out

A little cannabis when the workday is done can be just the thing to help mom find her calm center amidst the evening chaos. Plus, dinner will probably taste extra delicious. Just sayin.

Upgrade Your Wellness Routine By Adding Cannabis

Millions of people consume cannabis for recreational pleasure, but many more also use it for a qualifying condition such as migraines or fibromyalgia where permitted. Of course, we’re not doctors, so check in with yours if you’re curious about choosing cannabis for medicinal purposes.

Ask Not What Cannabis Can Do Just For You, But What It Can Do For Your Relationship

Do you have a partner who is generally stellar but also gets on your absolute last nerve simply by virtue of you both being human? For example, that slurping sound they make every time they take a bite of cereal. Must they? And will they ever learn to load the dishwasher the right way (i.e., the way you do it)? And why do they always seem to rise from sleep bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, when you barely manage to peel yourself from the bed because you’ve been kept awake half the night with a pint-sized foot wedged in your clavicle? If any of these sound vaguely familiar, responsible cannabis consumption may remind you that you love this person, and do not, in fact, wish them harm.

Supplement Creative Moments With Cannabis

As every mom knows, we are so much more than just moms. In addition to serving as the twenty-four seven personal chef, waiter, nurse, chauffeur, teacher, fashion stylist, house cleaner, and general life coach for our family, we have personal goals and creative ambitions of our own. Cannabis can be a chill addition to those well-deserved moments you carve out just for you, whether you’re writing poetry, designing jewelry for your side hustle, or trying your hand at oil painting.

No matter how or why you choose to consume it, cannabis offers a range of options to help moms take a well-deserved break from the maelstrom of modern mom life so we can finally calm our tits.

Curaleaf creates a safe, open and honest environment for cannabis discovery that minimizes doubt and confusion. Get canna-confident with Curaleaf and learn more here.

The statements in this publication are solely those of Scary Mommy and not Curaleaf. Laws governing the legality, availability and use of marijuana vary by state. Please use cannabis responsibly. Seek help from a professional if you have a problem, or if you think you might have one.