The Circumcision Decision

When my OBGYN asked my husband and me if we were planning to circumcise our future son, my head snapped to look at my husband. I’m not a man, I don’t know what it’s like or not like, so I made it his decision. Since he is circumcised, he promptly responded with a confident, “Yes.” Cool. One less thing I had to think about.

Then my son was born.

When the pediatrician came by to check him out, we asked him about when we should get our son circumcised. He said that because my son didn’t have a big foreskin, if we cut it off it may cause problems as he gets older and has erections, so he recommended we not do it.

OK. My husband had a lot of questions, but in the end we decided that if that’s what the doctor said then it was no big deal.

Then we brought my son home, people noticed, and the smattering of questions and concerns (that are nobody’s business, by the way) began. Now that my son is two and I’ve essentially heard it all, allow me to address the top four concerns that people have and why they don’t matter.

1. Aren’t you bothered by the fact he won’t look like his dad? Well, his dad has black hair and my son has brown. My husband has wide shoulders and a larger frame and my son is skinny as a rail. So they already don’t like each other. In fact, most people say that my son looks more like me than my husband. He has my nose. Why aren’t you saying, “Aren’t you bothered by the fact he doesn’t have his dad’s nose?” See how silly that sounds? So stop worrying about the males in my family having identical body parts.

2. He won’t look like all the other boys. Actually, I’d say that at least half of the moms I know have sons who aren’t circumcised either. Additionally, our pediatrician said that it’s a growing trend to not circumcise baby boys, so it’s more likely that when he gets to high school and boys are comparing penis size or whatever they do in locker rooms, my son will actually be in the majority instead of the minority when it comes to his manhood. Not that it matters, because no two penises look alike anyway. Why is everyone concerned about man parts being identical?

3. I’ve heard it’s harder for boys to keep an uncircumcised penis clean, which can cause major infections and medical problems. Now you’re attacking my ability to teach my son how to utilize proper hygiene techniques? Really? Are boys really so dumb and lazy that they can’t clean themselves? If I can teach him to wash his hair, brush his teeth, and use deodorant when the time comes, I’m pretty sure I can teach him how to clean his penis. Thanks for the vote of confidence in me and him.

4. What about his future wife? What if she’s uncomfortable with it? First of all, I am of the delusion that my son will never have sex. I think all of us parents cringe at the thought of that, right? Second of all, when my son does finally get intimate with his wife, I’m assuming they’ll both be so ecstatic at the idea of getting some that his uncircumcised penis isn’t going to be an issue.

My boy’s genitals are none of your business, but since so many people insist on acting like it is, allow me to condense all of this into a nutshell: He and his uncircumcised penis will be just fine, thank you. I’m not worried about it, and if you’re worried about it, maybe you need to find a hobby or something else to take up that brain space in your head.