Ten Signs You’re a Sleep Deprived Mom

1. You call your insurance company to submit payment for your spouse’s car insurance bill, and when the representative answers, you say without hesitation, “I’d like to place an order for carry-out.”

2. When in the midst of sub-zero temperatures, you’re backing out of the garage and feel the unfamiliar sensation of cold metal (the accelerator) against your toes. You look down, and that’s when you realize you’re still wearing flip-flops.

3. You can’t find your favorite yoga pants, and you’ve searched everywhere. Finally, you find them in the washer…where they’ve been for several days…because you forgot to put the entire load into the dryer.

4. You’re tearing the kitchen apart trying to locate your saltine crackers – they’re not where you usually leave them. No, that’s because you’ve put them in the drawer…inside the refrigerator.

5. You’re at the kitchen sink rinsing dishes and rocking your baby’s cradle with your foot, when your toddler brings you an orange to peel. You turn off the water, peel the fruit, and then resume rinsing the dishes with your left hand, and at the same time, extend your right hand with the fruit in it. After a couple beats, you wonder why your toddler hasn’t grabbed the fruit. It’s because you’re actually dangling it in front of the baby.

6. You’re embarrassed by your feet, which look like hooves, but if given the opportunity to make a break for it and get a pedicure or take a nap, there’s no question which one you’ll choose.

7. You’re liable to fall asleep anytime, anywhere. Even the automated voice from the U-scan station sounds like a lullaby.

8. Your body has begun to view even the most caffeinated of drinks as a sedative.

9. If it weren’t for the screen on your cell phone, you seriously wouldn’t know which day of the week it is.

10. You contemplate whether or not you have the strength necessary to shower. (And you don’t.)

I have experienced all of the above in the past three days. Here’s to hoping my next move isn’t an attempt to brush my teeth with a stick of deodorant.

Please tell me I’m not the only one?