Funny Valentine's Day Cards And Gifts For The Non-Mushy SO In Your Life (We are NOT Haters)

Is your main squeeze a major fan of The Office? Gift them this mug to express your feels–and then kiss him or her with the force of a thousand waterfalls. Obv.

A moment of solidarity for the partners of snorers, please. This is the perfect card for the Valentine that keeps you up all night–and not in the good way! Remind them of their tiny annoying flaw that you put up with just because you love them. Aw!

Your partner’s got jokes–dad jokes, that is. This book will offer them all sorts of new groan-worthy material. With over 500 jokes inside, the puns are endless!

Romantic? Nah. Practical and chuckle-worthy? Yes. Take care of your Valentine’s tushy by giving the gift of t.p. “It was funny for the occasion,” said one Amazon reviewer. “We don’t usually celebrate Valentine’s Day but he thought it was funny to wake up to. I put it up at the end of the day and plan on putting it back for our anniversary. Pleased with my purchase!”

Sometimes being direct is best. Thank your Valentine for all the, er, joy they bring to your life with this keychain.

If you’re contantly pushing your significant other to other side of the bed, it’s time to officially claim your space! This hilarious features two pillow cases that designates exactly who’s space is where (finally something to clear up the confusion).  They even have a version where the dog is in the middle! One reviewer said, “When my girlfriend walked in and saw the new pillows she exploded with joy. She aaid it was perfect for us because she does move around so much that left side really is hers. It’s cute and perfect for couples who have the same situation but are in love. I am very certain your partner will find the pillows cute and perfect.”

Who doesn’t want more compliments? Show your babe how you really feel with this teddy bear and its very direct message.

Creepy on the outside, funny on the inside. The inside message of this one reads–wait for it–“as hot as I do. Be my Valentine or ELSE.” One customer gave the card to her husband and reviewed, “My husband hates long mushy cards, he’s more of a jokester, so this card was perfect for him. He laughed when he read it. I recommend this.”

Speaking of obsessions, if you and your boo are helicopter co-pet parents, this absurdly hilarious portrait of your little prince or princess makes the ideal gift. Regal AF–as it should be, of course. One happy customer raved, “Its beautiful! I just got my canvas print of my dog and LOVE IT! My package arrived earlier than expected and prior, customer service did such great job helping me pick the right image for my canvas. You get to approve the draft and make needed changes. Professional and great service! I will definitely order again.”

Another funny, er, punny Valentine’s Day gift option: A card that tells  your sweetie how they make you melt. Not-so-coincidentally, that’s what the inside message says.

Embrace the punny side of life! A silly mug tells your lady how much you love her–and her ladies.

A candle that tells your special someone how much you don’t hate them? Well, that’s just touching. Bonus: This funny Valentine’s Day gift is practical, too! You have the choice between nine different scents, from Vanilla Bean to Chardonnay. “This candle is TOO cute and it smells amazing. I bought it for a gift but now I want it for myself,” said one Etsy customer.

It’s Whitney, bitch. (Or Dolly, depending on your preference.) Either way, both are version are fun to sing with a glass of wine in your hand. Warning: This gift will have the song stuck in potentially both of your heads all day.

Dat azz, tho! If you’re looking for a small token of your affection, these socks get the job done. Who doesn’t love corgi butts? They’re shaped like hearts, people!