Someone Invented A Roomba That Swears When It Runs Into Sh*t

This is the end-all-be-all of Roomba development

The invention of the Roomba was a wonderful thing. We can put our feet up and watch our fav Netflix series while a robotic vacuum mills about our homes, cleaning up rogue crumbs and pet hair while weaving in and out of the clutter pile that is our living room (and terrorizes our family pets in the process). If you’re like me, you often wonder what your Roomba is thinking while it’s doing all the work we’re too lazy to do. Wonder no longer, folks — someone invented a talking Roomba.

Michael Reeves is a software developer who builds crazy, hilarious robotics for his fans. He’s an engineering genius who often showcases his inventions on his YouTube channel of over 1.6 million subscribers. He recently posted a video titled, “The Roomba That Screams When It Bumps Into Stuff” and we think we’re officially in love.

“All that you really need to know is that when a collision gets detected by the sensors,” Reeves explains in his video, “Sound gets played from [a] Raspberry Pi to [a] Bluetooth speaker.” Mkay, no idea what that means but the result is that every time his Roomba encounters a wall or hard surface (so like, every two minutes), it shouts swear words into the abyss.

Reeves says that “the point of the screaming is so that it doesn’t feel like a robot” but instead “a living creature that’s in pain.” So when it runs into your bar stool leg for the hundredth time, it shouts things like, “God-fucking-damn it!” Not only does his souped-up Roomba scream and swear, it often contemplates its own existence. “Please stop hitting me. I feel nothing but pain. Why would you build me so that my sole existential purpose is to suffer? For the entertainment of others?” the robot asks innocently. And, “I am an unholy chimera of metal and suffering. Existence is a testament to the cruelty of mankind. This is a nightmare.”

Bless.

Listen, Roombas are so life-like, most people I know who have them, name them because we feel like they’re a part of our family. And if my Roomba, Lieutenant Dan, is going to really feel like a part of the family, he better learn to swear like the rest of us.

Reeves didn’t just stop there. He enlisted the help of other YouTubers to create different voice inflections so you never really know what (or who) you’re gonna hit when the Roomba hits the fan. Creators like iDubbbz, MaxMoeFoe, and LilyPichu all lend their voices to the project and the result is a profanity-lovers dream.

Reeves took his talking Roomba on the road, hitting up his local Target to see what the reactions would be from potential buyers. Unfortunately for Reeves, the news was not good. “It appears as though our invention is simply too far ahead of its time,” Reeves says in the video. “The world isn’t ready for the Roomba that screams when it bumps into things and I’m okay with that.”

We’ve been robbed.